Aug Update!

Hello Lovelies!!

It's been awhile as the Summer rolls on in full swing.

We had a few life changing moments that prevented thinking clearly enough for me to be here but they have settled now.

At the beginning of the year Choo found his son that had been given up for adoption 25 years ago and they had been in constant contact since. 2 weeks ago that son came to BC and moved in with us from Ontario. Quite the change but he fits right in and despite my ongoing anxiety about hoping we don't disappointment he's just adorable and pretty much a carbon copy of his dad. The girls have adjusted rather quickly and that's awesome especially since they are all adults. The extra weird part is seeing how much he's like his sisters for not having grown up with them and he's already got a job thanks to the spectacular people in our life.

The acceptance from the family and friends of him has warmed my heart and hopefully his!

The same day that he came in I received a call that one of my brothers passed away. Mine is a large family and even though there are many of my brothers I have yet to meet he was one of the few that I had met, so as exciting as it was to have the new addition another was lost that day.

The year anniversary of losing California also passed it the last month as well as losing Boscoe ( our tiny talkative cat ) somehow possibly Coyotes or another animal since he never strayed far from home we can only think he was taken by something.

Still having a carb issue on the Sportster to the point where I'm going to rebuild it myself because the one that was put on is worse than my original one and my mechanic is just too backed up to do it. I might as well learn since I would prefer to learn to do the maintenance myself and not only ride my own but take care of my own. I haven't ridden since I don't even remember when and I'm getting a bit stir crazy while I sit and stare longingly at her.

That being said I have been making slow progress on the BSA by learning and cleaning the Amal Carb on that one.

Before...

Thanks to this little baby I got all of the sediment out of the float bowl...which was caked.

I can take apart and put that one back together in my sleep now. She's a 5 year project that I'm 2 years into and besides stripping her down not much has happened there but this long weekend I'll be cutting out the old wiring harness and getting the frame ready to be stripped and painted. I finally found a place in Canada that I can get parts from at decent prices and I need alot of parts! So heading into the mid-summer I plan to get right up close and personal and make sure everything is ready and in motion for when I get the motor rebuilt.

I'm going to try and document as much as I can between Instagram and You Tube because even though I want to prove to the men in my life that I can do this...I want to prove it to myself more.

Emotionally though July was a rough month, I have an outlet now and here's hoping Aug holds more promise!

Alright guys have a great week!

See Ya
S

Cracking The Shell All The Way Through

Hi guys,

I hadn't realized it had been so long since my last post! Things have been in a bit of a whirlwind lately on a personal level even though they are still up in the air a bit I figured I should check in.

Riding has been slow in coming for me because of the weather. It seems that during the week the weather will be nice while I'm at work and by the time I get home, make dinner and wind down the time is gone while the weekends piss rain and I am no experienced rider in the rain. I have friends that are enjoying what riding they can get in and I'm completely jealous!

My birthday was a couple of weeks ago and I asked the kids to pitch in for a new riding jacket that I want. I have a leather riding jacket already and a vest but I wanted something that was a bit more protection and weather ready so once it's ordered I'll give you some feedback on that once I get it.

It's been hard to shake the anxiety I feel when I look my Sportster. I've been pussyfooting around it and been taking the time to re-familiarize myself with her as I wait for my dare I say it "Squad" to get on insuring their rides. I told Choo that I don't even know how I rode the monster last year because when I get back on the seat I feel at ease at the same time as mildly terrified but that being said the terror has subsided and I've embraced the anxiety of it. So many of my girlfriends even Lo whose ridden for about 9 years have had the same issue every year so I'm told it's normal. I still have the back tire issue that needs to be fixed once I get my rear tire changed over.

Not only have I looked at riding with anxiety but I've been thinking of my build bike a lot and need to get moving on that too so on the sunny days I plan to be out and on the rainy ones I'll have to be in the shop because the BSA has to happen and progress needs to be made but I am so new to all of it. I understand so much more now about the way they work than I know about cars and there is so much more to learn.

This makes me giggle hysterically every time I walk into the shop and see it.

Like I said though I'll be documenting this journey the whole way. The other fear I have of putting myself out there will also be conquered in the process. I have always said that my blogging is very personal for me. I'm not selling a product, I care less about views as all I want to do is be present and share my experiences of my normal (semi-normal) life and with that said I intend to embrace the lighter side of life and take it less seriously.

I don't have time for that anymore. It's held me back as I'm sure it holds a lot of people back and with the technology we have today and the many platforms there is no time to be shy...anymore. I will be posting videos on my You Tube channel again a completely personal thing so that they are all in one place. The space has been there for years and I have posted maybe one or two videos like a year and I'm not big on the whole video thing. I've tried and sucked or been too shy either way whatever...I'm done and it's time to have some fun!

I've met so many different people and been far more at ease with engaging with them. The Motorcycle community has been soooo welcoming and and answering any questions I have no matter how ridiculous I think they are. People planning to ride out from other places and actually interested in meeting me as I am them!

So excited about that.

So here's to cracking the shell all the way through!

I'm still working on the book too. In my editing I created a whole world of trouble for myself as I found something important missing and had to write it in to complete it so there is a lot I have on my plate and I refuse to stress out about any of it.

Life is shorter than you think.

See Ya
S

Motor Monday - Spring is Here!

Hey!

Well Spring is finally here and even though it's still below zero here I feel like things are looking up! I have anticipatory anxiety about getting back on my bike and getting my bearings again. I can also thank You Tube for showing me endless videos from Motorcycle Vloggers who most of I noticed just like to put GoPros on themselves and talk about useless stuff while they're riding around and there are very, very few women Motorcycle Vloggers! That needs to change.

I'm addicted to Kickstands up and Scootin America with Adam Sandoval. I love Ride with Norman Readus and Babes Ride Out...love them too. I can't wait to be a proficient enough rider to make the trek to California to be a part of that. Let me know if the Links don't work, I'm never sure if I do that right.

So that being said, this week I will insure my baby and get back on her. I've told myself that I will be on her everyday I can. Last year there were so many times when I wanted to give up and almost did. I even cried about it one night in frustration of a day of stalling in traffic so much I wanted to die, but I didn't give up. Up until that point I hadn't transferred her over yet because I needed my learners. Once I got that it was off to the Autoplan office nearest me!

What...a...gongshow...

My bike came from Alberta and the guy who sold it to us had given us the wrong portion of papers necessary to complete the transfer into my name. Thank goodness he was a friend of our mechanic because we had to get Jon down to the Insurance place and give us the info on the previous owner. After we got that they plugged the info into the computer and it told them that the bike was registered in BC...well...what? They had already gone to my house to check the numbers on my bike and confirmed they matched the papers.

Me: No the papers say Alberta
Ins: The computer says BC
Me: So now what?
Ins: The previous owner needs to come in and straighten it out.
Me:...
Ins: *blink*
Me: HE'S IN ALBERTA!

After some minor raging where Choo just sat there quietly and smiled they told us that the previous owner could fax in a specific document to them and we could go from there. We went back home and Choo was about to leave to fax the paper to Alberta. The town only has 1 fax machine at the Post Office and Greg ( previous owner ) was ok with hanging out there until everything was sorted. He gets them, signs and faxes directly to the Autoplan outlet. We go back to the Insurance place and they received the document. Woo Hoo!

Until...

Ins: That will be (a stupid amount) per mo. (grabs the debit machine)
Me: Whoa...I have a 40% discount.
Ins: The computer says no you don't.
Me: (lean on the counter) The computer is wrong...

But now my rage is apparent because it's taken us almost 4 hours to get this done and frustration is nipping at me. Choo still sits there quietly smiling away which is really annoying. Finally she finds that I do have a discount and we finish up the paperwork I get my sticker and plates and get to go home and put them on her.

On the way home. I asked Choo why he was smiling.

Choo: Because you were a true biker mama in there ready to lose it if you couldn't get your bike.
Me: Ah...Oh...

Guys are weird.

After practicing all that time in my driveway. Working the clutch, running through how things were going to work without actually being on the bike. The day Choo pulled my bike around front and tossed me the keys was the most exciting and yet most terrifying day of my life. Maybe if the bike was smaller and not a 1200 but I am almost 6 feet tall. Every awful thought went through my head. "What if I can't do this?", "What if I can't balance?", "What if I can't get my feet up?", "OMG is anyone watching me?", well when I turned around my whole family was on the street watching me.

Great...No pressure there.

Choo came up beside me and reminded me of what I needed to do while he made sure my helmet was strapped on tight ( too tight I couldn't open my mouth ) and then stepped back. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears so loud it was like everything else faded away. My bike rumbled underneath me and I thought right at that moment that this machine might be too much, that I'd tip over but I eased on the throttle and slowly let the clutch out. She started to roll, I realized I didn't stall it and so I gave her more gas and got my feet up on the pegs. When I reached the end of the street I had to turn her around and I was not there yet to do it smoothly so I had pretty much mastered the 3 point turn... on a slight incline. Thigh pain...hell ya.

Once I had gotten her straight again I took a deep breath, shook out my shaking right hand ( the other one was still holding the clutch in ) and rolled on the throttle, let the clutch out and off I went back towards my love and support system as they cheered me on. Apparently I had the biggest smile on my face and I hadn't even noticed as I came towards them and stopped. Choo asked me if I was going to keep going when I put the bike back into neutral. I said yes but that my heart was pounding so hard I could feel it in my chest and I just needed a minute to calm down in my excitement.

Best day ever was that first ride for me even though I only went up and down my street about 20 times and only stalled her 3 times (that time just wait).

My family was proud of me, I was proud of myself and the dreams began big and hard just like my bike.

The journey continues...

Motor Monday Journal Of A New Rider #1

Something new but yet not new.

I've been having a lot of anxiety or just plain terror at getting back on my bike. I hear this is normal but that doesn't help the feelings. What do I do when I have feelings to sort through??
I write them down so what better way than to write them here and work out my issues in my usual public way on a weekly basis.

Don't worry my ridiculousness will still follow between Wed and Fri.

As most of you know I started riding a motorcycle last April. In the beginning I was pretty apprehensive about it. 2 years ago my other half brought me home...for my birthday an 1971 BSA Thunderbolt. This was to be a build bike and I was pissed. He had asked me about the bike before hand and I told him no...emphatically. Not even an hour later a truck pulled up with the bike. I got over my anger pretty quickly though once I sat on it.

Build bike I could handle and she needs a lot of work. I figured I could take my time. Get to know how I felt about riding.

I stripped her down...yes her. Sexy Bitch is what I call her because that's what she'll be one day.

Last April just before my birthday Choo once again came home with a bike...for me...2001 HD Sportster 1200 all silver and black.

Again I was pissed. For me it was an unnecessary purchase. I didn't know how to ride, no license...no interest. Yet anyway, I had committed to the BSA in you know like 5 years or something dumb like that but here in front of me was a fully functional motorcycle...oh...god. So with that came a sudden pressure as my bestie has her 91' Sportster and another close friend was in the process of building his. Choo was waiting for his Softtail to be delivered from Alberta, so here stood... mine.

And did she intimidate the hell out of me. I stood there for I don't even know how long trying to process that I now had a motorcycle and not just a motorcycle but a Harley Davidson bike, me who doesn't even own a car. I know that I put the pressure on myself every second I stood there looking at her.

"Well then..." I said. "It looks like it's you and me."

The second I said it I felt like the air had been sucked out of me. I had been around bikes, ridden on the back but never on my own so for me to even think about being in control of one, and a big one was terrifying but I accepted that I was just going to have to learn sooner than I had planned. Once that acceptance settled in the whispers started. I like to think it was the bike telling me that it was going to be ok, that we'd work together and get to know each other and build our relationship.

I probably just needed meds.

After that day all I thought about was riding but I had time because I couldn't transfer her over into my name until I had a license so with that I hit the books and studied. I looked over her backwards and forwards until I could identify all of the controls and the parts I needed to and what they did. I would imagine myself going through the motions that would be needed to operate the bike. My brother in law would give me tips and talk to me about tipping points, friction zones and pointers on what I might expect. He'd make me straddle the bike and gently sway her back and forth so I could accustom myself to her weight and balance. Things I could investigate and research before I even turned the key because that's what I do.

Just a brother helping a sister out and he never did it in an overbearing way. Sure he'd pick on me and ask me to get on it so we could go to Tim Horton's but he took all of my questions seriously and all of the riders I knew did the same but I wouldn't start the bike until I had my learners license and that was my own choice.

I finally went to go write the test and here you have to have a drivers license in order to get your motorcycle license so I had to write 2 tests one after the other and passed them both after serious anxiety over the motorcycle test. You had never seen a happier girl.

Taking a course had been thrown at me on more than one occasion in conversation even now but I'm one of those people that lives pay cheque to pay cheque and I simply can't afford to take it having a family of 6. I've been self taught my whole life. I taught myself how to ride a bicycle, skateboard, ice skate ect...now I'm not dumb enough to think I could do this without instruction, that I had from multiple sources and the Internet is wonderful on the theory aspect. Don't get me wrong though, I could have taken the course which I should have back then but in all honesty I was scared to be put in a situation with other people that could observe my possible failure because my brain went there telling me I couldn't do it.

Stupid I know so if you ever have the option...Take the course.

Over the past year so much has changed in the way I see riding and how I'm finding the "Me" in it all and wanting to be around other women riders and submerged in the culture.

As I go along I will include Information sources on all sorts of stuff including my completions and failures. Is that pessimistic or realistic?

I guess we'll find out because this is a life altering journey for me and I'm more than happy to share the experience.

So concludes this Motor Monday.

See Ya!
S

The Show Never Ends!

Hello Lovelies,

    How was your weekend? Here we had a long weekend because of BC Day and that's why my post is on a Tuesday this week.

    Sitting here and thinking about the past few days, coffee in hand  while I wait for the rain to start I'm trying to filter through everything that's happened. A lot between young life drama's, older life drama's and getting off the couch and out of the house, writing and of course me learning to ride.

Not necessarily in that order.

    The young drama...oh how simple it is...but you know not for them while they're in it. I think back to when I was 21 or so and the things going on with my group of friends was very similar to what's happening for the girls and yet all on completely different levels. As logical as they can be sometimes the wrong choices are made, sometimes the right ones even though they seem wrong but none of them treat things like it's the end of the world in that dramatic fashion most girls have. Sometimes I'll listen to the 3 of them talking. They'll be on the deck or downstairs having their sisterly chats and I'll just stay back and listen to them make each other laugh as they talk about things going on for them and then they will get into more serious discussions that they won't all agree on but they listen to each other's points.

     I've been playing with a post in mind to give you more insight into the crazy zoo that is my life. Hopefully to give you a better picture of the diverse personalities in that world and how every one of them can bring a smile to my face even when they're being ridiculous. They are my heart, my soul and my life and the others around me are my universe, always in motion and yet keeping me steady, keeping me whole. And...sometimes slightly crazy and frazzled.

    And then there's you guys, you're there all the time and you deal well with my ramblings no matter how crazy or random they are, you support me when bad things happen even though I never see you, you remind me that I'm never alone. Not that that's possible because to be alone I would have to lock myself in the bathroom and really that doesn't work either because I'm Mom. In truth when I am alone I have no idea what to do with myself and wonder where everyone else is.

Ok well... that was not where I was headed...

    In other weekend news I did more riding this weekend that ever and it was as I would say a complete and utter gong show and in my defense I was utterly unprepared so some of the things that happened and there's so much that happened that I don't even think I can spit it all out here so let's go to the bullet points.

•  Even though I know how to not stall my bike it seemed to be all I did. I can pull away from the curb with no problem but get me to cross traffic or turn into it and my brain apparently forgot everything. Choo was super patient with me while I cursed and swore at myself.
•  My girl was seriously hard to turn on Sat. It turned out I only had half the tire pressure I should have had in the front tire and the back was low as well. Once that was fixed she was easier to maneuver.
• Know a guy, owns a bike shop,  apparently my pegs weren't set properly so he fixed them. You wouldn't have thought that something so small would make such a difference but then my footing was different and that was something I had to familiarize myself with too on top of wearing proper riding boots for the first time.
• Leaned my bike over because of an asshole trying to rush me out of the way but yay me that I held her enough to gently put her down and afterwards I was told by every single person there to not let the pressures of other people on the road get to me.
• Another friend there took me out to show me how to shift gears and again I stalled continuously, again angry with myself and all he said over and over was that I had all the time in the world. Now when your trying not to slow down traffic it doesn't feel like all the time in the world that's for sure.
• At one point I forgot I even had feet because I was moving and they... were not on the pegs. I have no idea what happened there...at all. That was a first. 
• We're not going to talk about what I realized shifting gears.

    I scared Choo to death a couple of times but hey...I survived and so did he. With the help of everyone I had been around that day I thought back to all of my mistakes, especially about the ones I shouldn't have been making. Everyone is super supportive and telling me not to worry about those things and that I'll get them in time, that I just need more seat time.

    Well great and I get that but it doesn't stop me from dissecting every second of it.  I didn't feel well when I first went out, getting frustrated with myself made things even worse and feeling pressure where there wasn't any all contributed to my loss of focus in trying to learn new things while holding on to the ones I had practiced so much but couldn't make work, so the next day I asked Lo if she would go out for a little putt-putt with me. Just a circle, only right turns because I needed the room to shift, to turn and to get over my apparently uncomfortable view of traffic so I chose an area that had two roads with frequent traffic and 2 cross streets where traffic would be at a minimum. We both went about riding in a different frame of mind. She was not open to it when she learned 9 years ago where it's all I want to do right now so I'm confident in riding with her that regardless of the difference in our mindsets that she knew where I was at and how I was feeling.

    After the first time around I saw simple mistakes I was making. The next time around I would correct them and then notice others like why 2 of the roads I was turning onto for some reason I would turn wide, so wide I would be in the other lane. Thank fully those were on the roads with no traffic and yet in the main roads I would still turn wide but end up riding the yellow line. After a couple of hours of repeating the patterns in my head I could see that "Look where you want to go" was in full play there. The main roads had the lines and although I was looking at them so that I didn't veer into the other lane I should have been looking further forward in my own lane.

    On the other 2 streets I was looking at the far side of the road because there are no lines on those ones so my turns were wider. At least that's what I think it is...I hope that's what it is because I'm definitely much harder on myself that those guys are. Then came soreness in muscles that are not used to it but whatever...they'll toughen up.

   On writing...I maintain that this is my baby, that I write for the personal satisfaction. I saw somewhere that an author decided he was a better reader than a writer so he gave it up. I have a story that I'm telling and who know how long it will go on? In my mind it's a series and it's Continuous ( see what I did there? ) I'll keep writing it and I'm glad I've found a few that stick with me each week.

I have now rambled enough! You should go back to you regularly scheduled programming and get on with your day!

Have a great week!

See Ya
S

   

Back To Normal...Sort Of

Well Hello Lovelies!

    So after my complete melt down last week, it took me roughly 3 days to recover. Once I posted last week ( most views in one single day that I've ever had. Thank you! ) I felt better.

    I've always said that I'm here and started this to leave something behind for my family. A way for them to remember some of the good times which I try to concentrate on mostly but every now and then I find it works out my own head like Ramblings of a Distracted Mind and others that showed chaotic feelings. I did feel better though, it was like it was all out and once I put it here I could move forward and I did.

    A few days later a friend of the family passed away. It was a long time coming and as Lo would say they were prepared but not ready. I don't think you can ever be ready and even though I had only physically met her twice she entwined herself in my world through Lo and her love of plants matched mine, we got along over that and her flawless sense of humour while she took everything in stride. I'll miss not getting a picture of a random plant that asks me what the hell it is.

R.I.P. Kristi...we were well met.

Let's fast forward shall we to a conversation on the WCE with another friend that almost stopped my heart.

Me: So the vet will call me to pick up Cali's ashes this week.
SE: Did you get it done separately?
Me: *blink* What do you mean...separately?
SE: They didn't ask you?

At this point I know where she's leading but really...really hoping she's wrong as she looks at me with wide green eyes, hands covering her mouth ( but I knew she was trying not to laugh ) and eyebrows high in question and in knowledge.

Me: WHAT DO YOU MEAN SEPARATELY?????
SE: You can get your pet cremated separately or they will put them in with other animals and you might only get...part of her back. They didn't ask you which one and explain it to you?

Now... I'm horrified...and panicking.

Me: NO! They came in and asked if I wanted private cremation that was it!
SE: Ok good, it's ok that's what you want.

Relief flashed across her face and mine as my heart slowed to a normal rhythm.
We picked up her ashes on Saturday. Bean and I had a cry because she was home now and although the weight of her missing from our lives is still there, the world keeps turning.

Thanks for all the love and support! You have no idea how much that means to me.

The rest of the weekend was spent praying for sunshine and praying for no rain where we had a tiny bit of sun and a little bit of rain but mostly cloudy, muggy summer darkness. This summer so far is not as it should be and as much as I'm glad it's not 30 - 35 degrees out it would be nice to have some PREDICTABLE weather to possibly plan around. So all I could do was daydream about a future I don't have yet, book a tattoo and write.

Damn you Norman Reedus for making my obsession worse on Sunday nights.

Next on the list...the people going don't even know it yet but planning a trip to Hells Gate for the end of Aug. I'd like that to be my first long ride so get your shit together people!

                                             

Now I know that at least one of you is saying HELL YA! While a few others are saying OH GOD.

Fitting don't you think?

Have a great week guys!

See Ya

S

Deep Conversations Start In The Strangest Places.

Hello Lovelies!

I'm back from Vacation and already wishing I was still at home in bed.

Have you ever back to work and forgotten your passwords? Well that has happened.
Usually I would wait for a better moment to write this but I'm at a standstill right now so here we are!

Sooo...how was your week?

Mine was productive and yet counter productive at the same time. Out of the many things I wanted to do. I managed about 3 and that was ok with me. Sleeping in was not possible but that was alright and I got to enjoy my quiet mornings. There is so much to say and I really don't even know where to start??

Besides binge watching Letterkenny, practicing my art techniques, trying to help my sick dog, attempt yard work ( attempt being the operative word ), a Canada Day BBQ, waking up to porn and going for a tiny but actual ride away from my house it was a pretty mellow time!

You're stuck on waking up to porn aren't you...

...of course you are you sick freaks.

Should I start from the beginning?

Letterkenny - WATCH IT...don't ask questions just do it.

Art techniques - painting objects to look old for steampunk projects.

Sick Dog - my dogs symptoms are consistent in their randomness. One day she'll eat, then next she won't eat the same thing she ate the day before unless it's grass. she is refusing dog food but still mooches for human food, She'll throw up every 3 or 4 days usually grass, she won't want to get up one day but will be running and excited the next and is loosing weight. A vet trip is going to be needed.

Yard work - well I cut things back, mowed things down and dug things up. Not in that order and only enough to make things look neat...er. Our green waste bin weighs about 1000 lbs and it will take at least 3 or 4 of us to move it because of the constant food waste in a 7 person household so I'm thinking a compost bin will be a much better bet. At least we can use that to fertilize the yard and use the green waste bin for the yard waste.

Canada Day - Good old fashion family and fun.

Waking up to porn - You know how you fall asleep with your TV on? Well usually I'm asleep before 2am and in deep sleep by then. Not this time I went to bed late watching a movie on TMN and drifted off and you know how sounds filter into your sleep and dreams causing 'am I awake or dreaming questions'? In my sleep it sounded like COPS of a sort was on. They were using a bait car to catch car thieves, pretty simple right? Then I heard a phrase that would NOT be used on COPS...ever, and therefore I opened my eyes and looked at the TV. I did not expect what I saw.
Now the content itself didn't phase me but the position this woman was in most certainly did, oh she was the cop by the way and the perpetrator was not respecting her authority...wait maybe he was either way after my 'what the hell is that' moment and I figured out what it was I changed the channel and went back to sleep.
Now the next morning I was telling Lo about this and Bean had come upstairs in mid story. I even said that I couldn't continue because she was there but she's almost 21 and was curious plus we have a really open family.
You really know your children are grown when they except their mother trying to demonstrate the position she saw in a few seconds of  XXX movie because she rolled with it and even wondered herself how porn stars can possibly twist themselves into pretzels and still look like they're enjoying themselves, seriously it was like a game of Twister gone horribly, horribly wrong. Anyway we laughed and laughed and went about our day. Until later when T found out about it then a whole new conversation started about what young girls see in men and how their emotional state contributes to how men see them and and what they really think about the way they are approached and treated by the opposite sex. There was guy involved in the conversation as well so it wasn't one sided.  Among many other things I'm glad my girls feel comfortable talking to me and I have to say that I was enlightened about what girls their age really think about sex and adulthood from different perspectives.

Apparently Porn starts conversations. who would have thought.

My tiny ride. - Canada Day I woke up...stupid early, had a coffee shoved in my face and was told to down it and get dressed we were going to a parking lot for me to simply turn in a circle and lean. I've been learning in stages and for the most part whenever anyone talked about taking me to a lot it was always that someone else would have to ride my bike over to the lot. Not this time I was riding it myself and truly the lot was only 3 blocks down the street in a straight line, how could this go wrong! I suck back my coffee, grab my stuff, Choo goes out to warm up the bikes, I get my helmet on and...it starts raining. Now me riding pretty much scares him on a good day so going out in the rain, even a little was not happening for him. He was leaving for the Canyon Run to Lillooet BC the next day and wanted to get this in before he left. He was more upset that I was so he went off to grumble about typical BC weather while I puttered around the house. A couple of hours later he came out, checked the sky and we were back in business.
This is how little I know about rider etiquette. He was in front of me before we left, sitting off to the side, so I sat patiently waiting. It wasn't until Lo said he was waiting for me to lead that I clicked in. I thought I should follow him but no sure put me on the spot so he can see how terrible I am and correct me. We Got to the lot where he made me ride in circles and around the building. I gave him about 100 mini heart attacks but I was good and apparently I have great balance. I didn't put my feet down even turning slowly which I thought I would and most importantly I didn't drop her.
So it was my first official ride albeit short I had to cross traffic, ride with another person and was not on the road in front of my house. baby steps but steps none the less!

Ok I'm done for now but there is so much more.

Glad to be back to the routine. Have a great week!

See Ya
S

Insane In The Vacation Brain

Hello Lovelies!!!

Please bare with me as I have this work week to go and then I'm on Vacation! My first true vacation of the year and it's been a long 6-7 months and my brain has already left and is dreaming of the days to come making it really hard to concentrate on anything longer than 30 seconds.

So what will I be doing for my vacation? It's a Staycation so I'm not going anywhere. I have things to do at home  taming my yard would be a good start and with Canada Day coming that week there's a BBQ to plan, things to paint because I'll be all crafty and my Motorcycle Skills Test that week as well it will be practice, practice, practice for me! So really it's a working vacation only I'm working on having fun!

 I found videos on You Tube of the ICBC MST and of all of the ones I watched there was only one with a female rider, her test was damn near perfect and she passed the 15 min test in 5. She just knew what she was doing and I can only hope to be a fraction of what she was on hers. 

And you know what...as simple as it looks, to me it's the most intimidating thing I've seen yet and have to make myself do. Self doubt is riding high right now despite the encouraging words of the people around me. As much as my brain is telling me that I'm doing ok, that I'm passing the steps  in a functional manner, there's that tiny piece that is still asking me what I'm doing and telling me that it'll never happen because I'm too scared, that I'll never get to the point where I can accomplish what it is I want to do but I can handle that. I can handle the fear, I can handle the self doubt as long as I'm the one doing it then I won't be discouraged because I want this too much to listen to that voice belittling me in my head.

What I can't handle is doubt from anyone else, now don't get me wrong it's not that I care if anyone else doubts my ability to do things and not just this but in many other things. It's the little put downs or talking down to me that would typically make me angry wanting to push back and yet they stick in my head, needling at me, making me want to try harder to prove myself but for the wrong reasons. 

Of course I want to prove it to my family and they have been the best as I take this journey from putting the bike in my face, encouraging me to get my license, putting up with my endless questions,  shedding tears when you first saw me ride but I'm still my worst critic. So starting with this I've chosen not to let assholes get to me even if I'm the asshole. The ones that tell me "I'm just a girl." or tell me things just to placate me are not needed, you can either help me accomplish my goal or leave me alone. 

I don't need to be built up to be torn down I just need you in my corner.

As usual though putting it out here always helps me focus ( even temporarily ) and put things into order ( a random order but still...) avoiding the chaos (briefly) so that everything moves smoothly ( hopefully not into a ditch or a tree ) as I go along. Once I get past my skills test the insanity will stop...for a while anyway because you know we've got to keep the gong show alive.

Ok enough of that, I guess I should get my brain back in the game not that there is ANY hope of that getting better as the week goes on!

Have a great week guys!

See Ya

S

You're Creating A Monster...

    Well some of you guys knew I was going to blog about this because it was a very happy and important thing in my life. Most of the time I live through humour because if your smiling and laughing things can't be that bad right? Ya...sure.

    Last week was the worst for me in a long time. Some things from work and some from home colliding together to just make things not so much bad but completely frustrating. Too many things going on at once and trying to let go of things I had absolutely no control over was extremely hard to do. Usually I can just roll with it physically or emotionally and yet a lot of the time I think it's because I have to be strong enough for other people that I'll put my disappointments or desires aside until things are made right in other areas. Going through periods of time when I just need to process things so I'll say little but hear a lot.

    We had our ups and downs last week and for me it was harder than any other time to adjust the thoughts in my head especially because I have things I'm eager to do for myself but rarely put myself first and then I have to rely on others to help me and that's a hard thing for me to do sometimes because I'm a very stubborn woman.

    You all know that I'm learning to ride. This is the frustrating thing for me, I have several people that can and are trying to help me but poor weather and them being busy had put a red light on my ability to be out on the open road and then making other frustrations all the worse as well as my mood. I never figured it would affect me that much. It's funny because I never thought I would be one of the ones that not only rode myself but that just wanted to get on with it and be gone, with my friends, on my own... just out.
Unlike the people I know that are riders I'm one of few that never ever rode. Sure on the back but to be in control of a motorcycle...nope, I never saw it in the cards.

    Lo and I have had several conversations and she has been the one primarily helping me but she works nights and I work days and her days off are usually mid week so besides hovering in the driveway showing me various things I needed to do, there hasn't been that much progress and along with 2 weeks of rain that didn't help. She's been riding for 8 or so years now and she's the sister of my soul so who better to show me the ropes.
She'll say someone else but whatever buck up buttercup.

    Her husband taught her how to ride but she didn't want to learn and ended up resistant to the process where for me all I want to do is learn and she calls me a sponge because I've taken to the instruction so diligently. I would endlessly practice the things I was told to but still wasn't going anywhere and I would get to the point where I would be like...ok...I got it...now what? I'm still stuck in the driveway. I would talk about the back lane but due to a lot of "Steph that's gravel." and "No." by the boys prevented me from trying that and even though Lo and I would talk about doing it anyway because I just wanted to have done with it, sensibility won out and I parked my racing thoughts and waited.

    In the meantime I ask questions, I'm involved and want to do this. We did have a weekend before last that was so stupid hot that breathing made you sweat and the tank was hotter than the fires of hell so it was best to let my girl wait until I wasn't going to burn my thighs... and then it rained depressing me all the more. So last week my mind was flailing, jumping from thought to thought about one thing or another, kids, home, work, riding ect and on Friday I finally saw a light ahead. Back at the beginning of June I ordered my helmet. Choo has 2, Lo has 2 but I wanted to have my own instead of borrowing one of theirs.

    On Friday I came home and it had been delivered! I was so happy when I finally got it out of the box that pics were taken and posted and my failing week felt behind me! I felt a sense of purpose! What it was I had no idea but my helmet was in my hands. I can't remember why I went out back but when I did I saw Lo's bike and then Choo's bike but mine was missing and I didn't hear her so I figured Choo had taken her for a quick spin and went back in the house. I hear him pull in around front so I'm standing on the front stairs about to ask him where he went when he tosses my keys at me and tells me to get my helmet.

 No hesitation...I fly back in the house, grab it and come back out.

    After a minute of feeling like a little kid as he adjusts the straps to the point of locking my jaw shut and me mumbling that I think it's too tight, I get on. Mind racing through the things everyone has told me and the things I've learned I had to center myself and then I let off the clutch, rolled on the throttle, after 2 or 3 seconds I have my feet up and I'm moving down the street. I do have a mild problem of getting super excited when I've accomplished something and then I end up doing too many things at once forgetting what I was doing but that only happens the first time.
I pulled her over and had to breathe for a second. Turned her around and rode back to Choo standing there smiling with that cheeky "See you can do it" smile. I stopped and put her in Neutral and he asked me if I was done. All I could do was shake my head and pat my chest because my heart was pounding so hard because not only did I do it but it felt like the bike wanted me to do it too. she's just as tired of sitting in the driveway as I am looking at her sit there.

    The next thing I know I'm riding up and down the street and the neighbour is out and telling me that an 86 year old woman just learned how to ride and if she could do it then I could too. Then Bean and Allan are out watching me and she almost set me off as she started to tear up for me. She said I had the biggest smile on my face. I told her I didn't even realize I was smiling. Choo found it interesting that I would go further and a bit faster each time but to that, all I can say is...

You're creating a monster...

Another friend called me crazy and for you...

You haven't seen crazy yet...

Have a great week!
See Ya
S

Banish The Fear, Embrace The Experience

Happy Monday Lovelies!

The weather outside is dreary with sprinkles of rain here and there but nothing big and soggy...yet. The stretch of weather has been nice and has given me time to practice my riding skills. At this point they are still semi non-existent except in my driveway and as much as I want to just go, I do realize that my skills for that are not quite there yet.

I know what I have to do but there is so much to remember and most of the people in my riding world are usually busy so I have to snag one of them as soon as I get the chance, and I will use you all.

I'm a visual person and learn by doing. Last week I started off by just learning how to work the clutch and while in first gear release it to feel where it grabs and then pulling it back in. I learned really quickly it can kick forward if I let it out too fast. Sure easy enough you say until you get a hand cramp from holding the clutch in for a long period of time.

It's a bit of a war in my head though because as much as I want to just jump in there and learn everything I can, I have to slow myself down and thank goodness for the endless supply of fear that goes along with it to put the brakes on! I've been on the back of bikes but had never ridden one myself and probably never would have if one wasn't put in front of me and I was told here this is yours.

Correction...the first one that was put in front of me needs to be built first and when that happened I figured I had time. Completely fixated on building a bike until the second one showed up alive and running. I'm determined to learn at a pace I'm comfortable with even as I watch everyone go one their rides together or alone and I want to be there so I'm working in stages.

My fears also seem to run in stages. after working the clutch my next step was to apply gas at the same time and that fear was me (being me) applying too much gas, freaking and losing myself or my bike in the process. On Saturday I got Lo to sit on my bike and go through the motions with me while she explained was I was going to be looking for and feeling for and for about an hour we went through those motions. You have no idea how many times before hand she yelled BRAKE at me but finally I did it without prompting. Up until then I had only been working with the left side of the bike and now I have to put the right side to work that took adjusting. Once I could pull it off smoothly she happy danced and high fived me. Sunday I practiced more and stalled her 4 times before I realized my choke wasn't all the way in. After I fixed that it was all good.

Now since I got over that fear and realized I had more control over that than I though let's just cycle the second fear through now. Maintaining speed and balance, this part mildly terrifies me and if the weather holds out today that will be my next step and the fear is going to have to take a backseat. Like and insistent child kicking the back of my seat while driving. Even though I know I'll be the one controlling the situation and if I do panic I know the steps to stop moving hopefully a smooth stop and not in a launch me over the handlebars sort of way. Dramatic, I know but necessary in keeping my thoughts firmly on my own safety.

 Another friend bugs me about getting on the road, I know he's bugging me and wants me to be safe overall and he's just poking me ( I hope so at least, you never know with that guy ) like they all do but they have no idea how much I'd love to snap my fingers and take off... and not on my broom as he would say. With the fear and anxiety building for that though I actually got a little upset with myself. Don't get me wrong though I'm not getting pressured from anyone to learn at a particular rate and even if I was I would still work at a level comfortable to me. My problem is the constant battle with my brain. I want to do this so badly that I've considered going through the motions alone...more than once, even more so since this weekend but I won't beyond my driveway and it's definitely not long enough for anything but my back alley is and the thing is that it's gravel and there's an apartment complex at the end of it. Plus I'm not stupid someone needs to be there to call 911...but I've thought about it. No one watching me just my bike and me learning to handle each other.

So last night thinking about all of this Choo noticed I was off.

Choo - What's wrong?
Me - What if I don't get it?

Knowing exactly what I'm talking about, he looks at me like it's adorable that I'm second guessing myself and immediately I want to slap him.

Choo - You'll get it, don't worry. We'll take you out in front of the house tomorrow and get you up to speed.

Instant...Fucking...Panic...

That's the only way I can say that so that you have some idea of how my heart almost kicked out of my chest. There are only a few things that get me to the point where I can FEEL my heart pounding and after that my head got super ramped up. "Omg is it too soon?" and "Screw it I'm going to do this!", "What if I can't?" to "Of course I can!"
I'm going to die...

Sleep did not come easy last night, waking up even worse, I swear I was shifting in my sleep and I haven't even gotten there yet, even now as you read this my brain is still there...obviously but figured that as this is not only something that I share with all of you it's also something that I can write and look at to put things in perspective for myself and calm down.

I'm going to do it...I expect anything less from myself and I won't let my fears take over.

Wish me luck!

Have a great week.

See Ya
S