Cave Baby...Still Got Nothin

Happy Monday!

Well Christmas is only 2 weeks away now... this does not thrill me at all but 'Tis the Season' right?

Although things won't be like last year when it almost didn't happen due to the hangover from hell this year we will go without the possibility of alcohol poisoning! At least out of the 5 of us last year we were ALL down for the count until I had to cook food and bake things. It's all a blur now and I can't even look at a bottle of Appleton's Rum without my gag reflex kicking in.


Anyway I have a few more Awful Christmas Gifts for you but there are a couple that I think are right up my alley!

1. The Goatee Saver!

 The equivalent of a bowl on the head but for your man's face. A perfect goatee every time. Now I need to get one and have someone try it to see if this would actually work. I've already thought of 3 DIY at home things like this that could work, oh but wait this is a gift. Even though it looks like a giant adult soother.

2. The CROC phone case.

 Blond unicorn would love this because she is the CROC queen and why not have her phone follow suit?

3. 44cm Gummy Bear! An actual giant edible gift from the gods.

Oh come on! This is not bad...this is awesome! Why? Because the belly is shaped like a bowl and you can fill it. Fill it with what you ask? Let's say chocolate...fill it with chocolate and every woman in my house that has PMS will be satiated and calm for the duration. No one would get snapped at or have thoughts of smothering others with pillows. It's perfect!

Except for the diabetic sugar coma we would all go into.

4. I took this one so fast I didn't even notice what it was called but it's pretty obvious.

another gift that the women of my house would love while sending themselves into a sugar induced death but you have to admit it's kind of cool.

5. You Can Shave The Baby

I...ah...hmmm... when did babies come with full armpit and ass hair? What baby has CALF HAIR? And it's a Ginger baby? What exactly are they trying to say? Does it come with the razor? It's like Cavebaby. There is nothing else I can say here.

Nothing.

5. Lionel Richie Tea Pot.

This just makes me giggle and sing.

Ok guys I'm off for now but will be back this week with a post about how to not attempt to use Facebook messenger after you've had a few.

A group gets started and all hell breaks loose.

Have a great week.

See Ya

S.

All I Want For Christmas..

Is absolutely none of these.

While looking for truly awful Christmas gifts I have found quite a few that are just undeniably ridiculous and as we go for the next few weeks they will become even more ridiculous.

So shall we get right to it?

Yes I think we shall!

Up first,

This seems self explanatory, except for why your hands would need under...um...handerpants in the first place. What's wrong with gloves? Do they go under your gloves? It doesn't even matter.

I have no idea what language this is but I'm pretty sure that's a sleeping bag, that you can walk around in, and at the same time have absolutely no use of your hands. Wouldn't those bathroom breaks be a chore? Maybe he has Handerpants on under there.

The DVD Rewinder... I would get this for someone just to see how long it took to get the joke and then laugh my ass off. So this one is good for the entertainment value alone but still awful.

This gives Wake n Bake a whole new meaning but still how is this even remotely a good idea? First you would have to set it up the night before and that not gross at all (yes it is) but then to wake up and cook in bed, or beside the bed? Who eats the second they crack open an eyeball? What about grease splatter on your face? What if you roll over and drape your arm across the grill?

I have too many questions.

Oh let's see...I have dogs and I knit but do I want to go as far as knitting WITH my dogs hair? I...think...not...ever. ti makes me itchy just thinking about it.

I you have an awful gift idea or someone has given you something that was just wrong let me know and we'll see if we can find something worse.

Have a great week!

See Ya
S

More Awful Xmas Gifts!!!!

Hi Lovelies!

I have the beginnings of a cold (Thanks B) so if some of this blog doesn't make sense you can blame the fogginess in my head.

I'll have one more post before Christmas and after only 2 more it will be a whole new year, once more full of things we hope to do and probably won't but we'll try!

I'm trying to see how this is a bad one? Cheesy YES but completely useful! I have a couple of spider freaks for friends that would LOVE not having to get close the bugs they fear!

I think my cats and dogs would love this one! Oh wait only 1 cat and one dog. Bosco would run and hide...forever, Cali would bark and attack it, Oz would stare at it with loathing, Whiskey would have a panic attack and not know what to do. Smokey and Bast though both of them would probably roll over and indulge themselves! I still think it's awful though and if you notice the top of the box there's a Turtle? a Ferret a Lamb and a Horse?? A Turtle??? 

This one...well it makes me want to watch Golf just to see if anyone has one...but we all know they don't. Uroclub! The golf club with a Pee receptacle! 

And this because, you know...Jason needs a girlfriend. It's really Rejuvenique a system to remove wrinkles or in a horror movie thought, sear the skin off your face and make you a hideous monster that seeks revenge from pretty people!

Wait...I like this one...let's move on!

Do you know what this is! It's a ticket to Heaven complete with everything you'll need to ensure your entrance past those pearly gates. I can see the Infomercial now! 

Worried about getting into heaven?

Do you think there won't be space?

Reserve you place now with easy to use Ticket to Heaven Reservation Kit! 

No Fuss

No Muss 

A guaranteed spot waits for you!

Ok this one is the best...When someone in your family or friends insists they don't want anything for the holidays, they probably don't mean that they want you to get them Nothing. But this'll teach them or me because I'm always the one that says nothing

Except for the first one these are courtesy of Marie Claire.

Ok guys, Have a good week!

See Ya

S

Weird and Awful Christmas Gift Time!

Hi Guys!

It's that time again! I can't even remember if I did this last year or not??? Oh Well it's here this year!

Last Wednesday I posted a link to some weird gift ideas for Weird News Wednesday and that made me look for more! The link below will take you to the Huffington Post weird gift page from last week.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/11/28/weird-christmas-gifts_n_6212498.html

Let the fun begin!

For you smokers that want to keep your hands warm and still be able to indulge...and yet still have to take your hands in and out of them not only to place that cigarette but light it and put it out. I see it being more work that just having numb fingers.

This next one is just creepy but boy does that kid look happy! Doesn't it remind you of the original Total Recall in a way?

If you're ever really that lonely...I think you might need a little help. Its coping a feel and she looks like she likes it!

I...ahhh...I...don't even know what this is supposed to be besides one moose head away from a restraining order.

For the fisherman in the family! I have nothing else to say...they are fish...on feet...nope.

You must hate who gets these...blow bubbles! I dare ya!

Kind of sweet...maybe...if you're mushy like that and do you lift it from the pan to the plate? It seems like more work than necessary, I mean what if it breaks? Then you have a broken egg heart and that's just sad.

So it's back to the grind! I'm hunting for more before the big day arrives and looking a nice long board game to play on New Years Eve!

I need suggestions!

Have a great week!

See Ya.

S

Tiny Rant...Just a Tiny One

Hi Guys!

I had a little time off and took the time to shake the cobwebs from my brain to try and focus on what comes ahead...at the same time with the mentality that I could be hit by a bus tomorrow so I should enjoy my time now. Then I watched the news...and read the news and it made me sad as well as informed but it made me remember why I don't watch the news on a regular basis.

After readjusting my thoughts on top of an insane urge/need, bordering on obsession to go to the UK lately I figured I was going to find the most efficient and cost effective way to commute along with changing other things (now you see where the rant part is heading) in order to help make that happen. It might take a couple of years...who am I kidding of course it will! So After Christmas starting in January I'm going to start saving my pennies...wait we don't have those anymore, so nickles and see how much I have by the end of the year.

I'm so lucky to live in an area where I have access to all forms of transit. I have a few blocks to the West Coast Express $13.75 per day or $201 per month. This includes bathrooms on each car and a coffee car that I never use but it's there. Occasionally it's delayed because of hitting a bear, engine trouble or a switch issue that results in us sitting on the track waiting for someone from Calgary to approve the switch. Still very reliable though. and only takes 35 mins to travel.

Not ranting yet...

I have a bus stop a block away from my front door and that bus will take me straight downtown to 1 bus $5.50 one way, $11.00 per day, day pass $9.75 1hour 15mins into the city and about 1 1/2 hours home. Today I decided to take the bus and skytrain again a block away from my house, same cost but 1 1/2 hours in and almost 2 home.

Now I rant...

So as much as I want to spend less time and money commuting here is where my problem is. If I take the one shot bus it's fine no issues, but the skytrain...oh the skytrain really brings out my commuter rage. You guys that have been there with me through it know that half the time I just want to clothesline people and the Taurus that I am wants to cram a horn up someones ass. I have personal space issues for sure unless I like you.

As I'm standing on the skytrain all is well and I can half read the paper while I hang on for the stops and starts of the train. The train stopped and enough people got off so that I can get a seat YAY! Now know that we're packed in like sardines in a can let the fun begin! I can handle that...most times.

Beside me I have a guy who pretty much has his umbrella on my neck as he's standing, in front of me I have a short woman (yes her height matters here) who is carrying a large tote bag that is resting on my lap and no matter how hard she tried to make sure it wasn't on my lap it would just have to be because she was tiny and I couldn't move in any direction at the same time the gentleman sitting beside me looked like he was having just as much fun as I was because as people moved on or off the train I would be pushed wet neck and bag knees into him every couple of minutes along with my own gear that I carry and trying to read the paper. I gave up.

By the time I got to Burrard I was annoyed and even more so when I got up and my ass was wet because apparently umbrella on my neck guy was dripping down the back of my seat. Yee... Haw..

Then the movement of commuter cattle began again and with one escalator out for the past few months it's a press of bodies trying to get ahead of one another just to get away from each other. So I'm up and out and breathing again when I hit W. Georgia I took out my REPLACEMENT umbrella ( one of the kids lost mine and... um... replaced it ) and it crumbled to the point where I was almost one of those people who'd had enough and had a temper tantrum on the sidewalk.

Deep breath Steph...deep...breath...

I know things can't be helped when commuting and I do take steps to be a less agitated and understanding commuter. I try not to be in anyone's way especially when I hear someone cough or sneeze then thoughts of The Stand come to mind. I know dramatic right? No...watch the news this shit happens. So after the longest and most uncomfortable commute I've decided that the bus/skytrain route completely sucks and I don't want to do that again plus it is the longest route. Once the Evergreen line is complete and crosses the skyline maybe I'll try it again?...probably not...someone might get hurt.

Now that the commuting part has been taken care of for now and I am trying to focus on the things I need to do and you know...DO THEM my head is clear and I'm gearing up for the oodles and oodles of Christmas cheer at the Festival this weekend because if I can do this then I can do anything!

Have a great week Lovelies!

See Ya
S

Is It Over Yet? No?...Crap...

Hello Lovlies,

Usually I would have some really awful Christmas gifts for you now but with starting the new job and fighting off the cold from hell that has not happened. For the first time ever I have lost my voice! It's still not back yet and the troups at home know how hard it is for me not to talk or laugh...not being able to laugh is the hardest part because they make me laugh constantly!

They are enjoying that I can't yell at any of them though but that's ok, I'll store it up and have it all ready for you when my vocal cords are in proper working order again. Thank goddess 2 of my 3 dogs understand hand signals! The 2 Terriers good job taking mama's flailing hands as me saying "Come on get inside!" unlike the Cattle Dog that thinks "If I just don't look at her, I can stay out longer... Avert My Eyes!" until I chase her with a rake then she moves really fast.

And the kids understand my facial expressions, like Peanut for instance he's been with us all week and when I'm not in the room he's biting and headbutting his parents! I come into the room and a tiny halo sprouts out around his tiny horns while he flashes that tiny toothy grin. He's not even a year yet but he's an Eddie Haskle in the making for those of you that remember him in Leave it to Beaver.

I bet most of you are shaking your heads NO right now.

Since my head is still foggy and my voice is still froggy I'm going to say goodbye for now and I plan on having something special for next week since it will be my last post of 2013 and hopefully 2014 brings mended fences and familiar faces...maybe some new ones too!

See ya!
S

Halloween! Bring It!

As you know Halloween is my favourite holiday that's not a holiday!

This Saturday my house will be full of costumes and happy people doing stupid things...more than 1 camera will be rolling so be careful.

So NO ONE can talk about Christmas until Halloween is over...please. It's bad enough that when I walk into Walmart, Costco or RRSS that I see decorations already and imagine wings sprouting on my money as flies away. I heard a Christmas carol the other day too UGH...

There's plenty to see and plenty to do for the next week if you into going to see Fright Night at Playland or the Pumpkin Patch, the Corn Maze, the Stanley Park Ghost Train and this!

Zombie Combat Zone & The Zombie Syndrome

Image Courtesy of Ron McCall / Zombie Combat Zone

The Zombie Combat Zone lets you hunt zombies after dark, in a live-action paintball game. Last year, the Zombie Combat Zone debuted in Surrey; it is now located at Semiahmoo Park, in White Rock. Must be booked in advance, and must be at least 16 to participate!

Zombie Combat Zone - Open Thursdays - Fridays only

The Zombie Syndrome: On Death Island returns for its second year to the streets of Vancouver. This interactive theatre experience lets the audience participate in a live-action, save-the-world zombie scenario, complete with live-action zombies.

The Zombie Syndrome: On Death Island - Tuesday, October 1 - Sunday, November 3, 2013

What a great way to fuel my fear!

 Parade of Lost Souls

Image Courtesy of Public Dreams

For many years, the Parade of Lost Souls on Commercial Drive was theVancouver Halloween event: the procession / parade of ghouls and ghosts was the destination for people who took their Halloween seriously. But Public Dreams, the organizers of the Parade of Lost Souls, became overwhelmed by the size of the event and have, starting in 2010, scaled down the procession considerably. Now, in 2013, as part of a process of "handing over" the Parade (Public Dreams will not host the event next year), the event is being co-organized by its designated successor, the Dusty Flowerpot Cabaret.

The actual East Van location for the 2013 Parade will be revealed at 12am on October 26 on the Public Dreams website and will take place that night, from 6:30pm - 9:30pm.

Saturday, October 26

For the Parade of Lost Souls I heard that there will be a Thriller Flash Mob at some point!

Back to the grind guys!

See Ya
S

All grown up...sure they are.

Hello again my lovelies!

Another week gone and the memory to go with it.

Friday was Sese's 20th birthday and it was a mellow event which would be surprising but it's Sese and she's mellow all the time. She never makes a big deal of stuff like that until a few years later when she'll say " hey, remember that birthday that sucked?" We caught her early this time though and she gets a do over. I don't remember 20 being a big birthday in general though.

19 - legal to go to the bar!
20 - meh
21 - legal to go to the bar across the border!

It was emotional for me besides the obvious reasons of my baby getting older, then memories from her being so tiny and me talking about how old I would be when she turned 20. Now that's happened... and wow time really does fly! It's hard to see her as a full fledged adult since I still see her as a little girl.

Only my 20 year old would consider a floating Tardis from her baby sister Bean as one of her fave gifts. I think that was a bonding moment until the next time they argue over who took/did/said what.

Saturday was the baby shower for T and with less than 2 months before baby Parker is due to arrive, his mommy was glowing the whole time. The nesting has definitely begun and she's excited about every bit of it. She's going to be a great mom.

Seeing the little babies that were there made me almost want another one...then, I smacked myself in the face and shook off that disturbing thought.

My girls are grown...

What was I thinking?

Freedom is just around the corner!

What am I going to do with myself?

But they were so cute!

That's ok though I'll steal T's baby boy and when I've had enough I'll give him back...maybe.

So it just a mini update this week as I work on the next few chapters of the novel. I'm not sure if it's taboo or not to maybe put a sneak peak of it here? That's something I'm wrestling with as I continuously second guess and rewrite things... all the time! That might be something I add on to my list of things to do in the new year.

Before that though next week begins my countdown to Christmas and the countless ways I can deter my children from trying to stuff the spirit into me for another year.

Oh it's Christmas Time Again...

See ya!

S

It's Smarter Now

I'm not sure where I'm going with this one today?? 

I was going to talk about how my daughter Sese is amused at the way I can butcher actors names when I try to pronounce them like for example Famke Janssen who I call Femky Jemky. 

 I don't know it's just rolls of the tongue and is more fun to say!

So I had this post all planned out and then I got a new phone. A SMARTPHONE! 

I've never had one and although almost everyone I know has one of these magical devices, I've never  had the chance to own one and thanks to Sese, now I do! Trying to figure this thing out is crazy because it does way more things than any phone I've ever had the pleasure to touch.

It has a touchscreen! So I touch it...I touch it a lot.

It's exciting except to my kids because they are old pros at this stuff and shake their heads at me as I walk around telling them to let me take their pics. The zoo had no choice and they were posted on Twitter, Tumblr and FB in a matter of seconds.

Sweet!

Sese says she created a monster. Maybe a little bit so between the Voxing and Instagram there is CUSTOMIZING!!!! 

OOO I love that part! 

I'm excited! 

Can you tell I'm excited??? I'd take a picture of my excited face but that's not flattering and nobody needs to see that. :s

Now I have a full plate. Still writing not as much as I should be but still plugging forward so there is constant progress.

Working on something for a writing contest, looking into volunteering for a shelter nearby and still trying to be a Supermom on top of my day job.
Halloween is coming up fast though and we have half decorated the house. I still can't put anything in the yard because of the dogdozers meh...maybe next year! All the kids can talk about is Christmas anyway and that's when I tuck myself under the covers and wait til New Years Eve.

Anyway back to the phone of my dreams and discovering it's ins and outs because now I can be everywhere...all the time :)

That might not be a good thing...