Day By Day, Minute By Minute.

It's been a tough go so far at trying to regain some form of the normal I used to have. Trying to throw myself back into the things that used to make me a happy and social person. The things that made me well...me.

I'm doing okay with being positive though so far and beating back the thoughts of not being good enough, trying to laugh more like I used to. Last night was a bit of a setback at home though as emotions ran high and low but in my typical fashion I talked them down and in the end laughter ruled the night as I helped chase back the shadows for the family...at least I hope I did. It looked like I did at least temporarily.

There's so much that needs to be done, so much work to do but I refuse to pressure myself into making it happen. Like everyone I have long and short term goals. A few I can't do based on it not being the right time for it for instance I have until May to get my Motorcycle license and last year was a bust for that because of bike trouble but I'm just going to do what I should have done in the first place and take the Course so that being said I can't do that until March or April because that's when it's available.

The BSA build well that's what it is and according to my timeline I still have 2 1/2 years to complete that and for the most part the engine rebuild is what will take the time and money.

Money...living here is not cheap but yet still cheap for where I am and making that work is a struggle most months, not just because of rent but the gas and hydro prices are insane. I feel like I'm complaining but I'm just listing facts as I know them and even though I know that my own drive and will are the only things that will get these things done, as much as I tell myself that I can do them there is always a sense of failure looming in the background.

Which brings me to the book I finished writing over 6 months ago and getting it published. There is another fear there that I'll need to overcome about not being good enough. How do you handle the fears though? Some people say just to buck up and do it and sure that's possible but it's not like they are ready to be attempted ( well the book, yes ) so the anticipation is the killer here. I have managed to get some editing in and there's another thing I'm going to push myself to do regardless of the outcome on the publishing front.

Exciting yes and at the same time terrifying even though I've got the second book bouncing around in my head. One thing at a time right?

Losing my train of thought at work because even though I love where I work it's still not the job I want to do but it pays the bills and I should strive to be the best at it that I can ( part of my 2018 goals ) but creatively...there is nothing creative about it.

So in between it's me just trying to survive day by day and minute by minute and trying to win the lottery or find a supplement income the days are long and trying. I'm pretty sure the crazy weather doesn't help and I'm not seasonally depressed but I do miss the bright days. The rainy and dark days don't bother me, the cold though yes. That's why it's my least favourite season. Funny though...I remember Snowboarding and loving the Winter way back when we actually had snow to look forward to.

So I pour myself onto this page to try and help me sort it all out and be proud of my accomplishments in my life.

I used to have a rigid posting timeline and this time around after...what...7 years of this? That is over. If I have something to say or show then I'm here. The other Blogs are gone, an ambitious trial but I'm a simple woman and will be taking it one day at a time while still trying to take you all with me!

Ironic that it's a Monday and I'm posting? Old habits die hard I guess...

I'd love to put something prophetic and deep in here but I simply can't think of anything to say except live your life don't fear it.

Ok guys I'm off to try and do just that.

Have a great week!

See Ya
S.

And So It Begins...

Welcome to the New Year Lovelies!

    I hope your New Years was all you wanted it to be. I ended up ringing in the new year with my little Peanut and Sese. Ok P almost made it to midnight at about 11:45 he finally fell asleep so I rang it in with Sese and her online friends who since they were in Ohio and Massachusetts they had theirs before us. I attempted to watch 3 different movies but little man was having none of that so we watched the Croods...what a bizarre movie...that he didn't watch for more than 20 mins because he was having too much fun being the tiny human wrecking ball.

    I got calls from the kids periodically throughout the night from a party they were at and I have to say you guys are ridiculous but highly funny in your need to share with me what was going on for you even when it involves things that confuse me and make no sense. Feeling the love kiddies!

    Vancouver finally put on a New Years celebration on the waterfront so I got to watch a countdown that wasn't taped 3 hrs prior to ours. Now as much as I love my West Coast  home I think the only place I would go to ring in the New Year in frigid temps would be New York just to be in Times Square as the ball dropped and the confetti was free to fly. That would be something to see.

    Now that we're in the new year...what next? We are 4 days in to 2016 and although nothing has changed it feels like everything has changed. The way I'm thinking going into few months (besides the urge to jump out the window because RRSP season is starting) is going to be more about what I need to be a functioning, well rounded happy...mostly happy person.

    By the end of the 2015 I had read 53 books and had posted various things about my shock at that achievement for me. I didn't even realize it was an achievement I was only keeping track of what I had read and then someone asked my why I don't review the books I've read.

    Simple...I am not a reviewer on that level or any level. I mean sure I have mentioned books that I've liked or not ( Wolf Gift ) but I'm not sure that is in my realm of well anything really. If I like something I really like it. I'll tweet and message the authors when I fall in love with a book or series and I know they probably don't even see it except for JR Ward and Kim Harrison who responded and made me a very happy girl. Anyway...where was I? Oh ya I don't think I'm qualified to voice my opinion in that format. Does that make sense? My goal this year though is too finish writing my own book and read those that have been suggested to me by other authors and push my own boundaries.

And they will be pushed, pushed and pushed again I'm sure. so if you have any thoughts or suggestions of a good read or 3 let me know!

    So after seeing our first snow fall here that will be all washed away tomorrow I'm full of energy and hope that this will be a great year...as long as I survive RRSP season without injury, jail time or being committed to a facility after having a breakdown.
I kid...sort of.

Some revamping will be happening as I change everything for a fresh look that will occur periodically throughout the month and I'm sure after that I'll look a little like this...

Ok guys, off I go.

Have a great week

See Ya
S

   

Shove It Up Your Ass...Is what I Should Have Said

Well it looks like today is a Monday mild rant day Lovelies and I apologize now.

This is a work related rant and even though I try to stay away from ranting because really...who needs to see that?

Monday's are usually slow and painfully agonizing to work through after the weekend but normally with enough coffee it putter's along at along at a steady pace.

Until this Monday.

Most of you know that my job is not something that I want to do forever and although I've been in the Investment Industry for almost 8 years, it is most definitely not where I want to stay. Even though I try to do a good job and some days are crazy busy and others are slow enough to give time to catch up on things left behind. The people I work with day in and day out are great. There are others though that just flat out bring on the rage.

Note to those people.

1) Don't talk to me like I'm stupid. I don't talk to you like you're stupid and I'm sure in this case you were.

2) When I ask for you to not speak to me in a certain tone then please refrain from using that tone because all that results is the soft click as I hang up on you.

3) When you ask me if I can read, I can...you just pissed me off so I didn't want to.

4) Calling me every 5 minutes will not make me pick up the phone if anything it makes me want to smile fiendishly at the flashing red light on my voicemail and unplug it.

5) If you seem to have a problem with my attitude after all the professional niceness I dished out then I suggest you go fuck yourself because now it'll only get worse.

Now with all of that being said staying professional is always a goal and usually a very easy thing to do. I am happy I accomplish and it's only 1 in a few that provoke a reaction from me. My biggest issue is people trying to make me feel stupid and I don't make a habit of letting work stress me out because it's pointless to stress out over things I have no control over and really the only control I have over this situation is the fact that this can be my outlet.

Which is good, because things would just end up thrown out the window like my phone and computer ect...

I also don't usually let people get under my skin, there were a few this weekend that did a successful job at getting under it but all that is good and gone. Everything set right again.

As I write this though, I'm on my lunch break with my headphones in cranking some make me happy music, because music does make me happy on so many levels. So will continue to try and do as good a job as I can while working towards removing myself from this Industry at the same time.

Now that the calm has returned, Have a great week guys!

See Ya
S

Distracted, Derailed and Chaotic.

Ok so this week has been... I don't even know what it's been because there are no words. Nothing deep or devastating that you need to know about yet just this overwhelming need to put everything in it's place. Like everywhere...

I have 3 blog posts started all about completely different things because I figured that I would plan them out and you know be prepared, think ahead and be organized. Not only here but with all of my Social Media and Writing.

Not...gonna...happen...

My first post was just titled Here.

That's it, just Here. There was no body to the post at all just a title and do you think I can remember why I had it titled that way or what I was going to write? Hell no...nothing, so ya that was the beginning of the end of organizing my thoughts.

The next post, I was all happy to share Bean's rite of passage as a young adult and voting for the first time, which still could happen only not in the full picture that I wanted to paint for you. I was a proud Mama though as I watched my girls do their duty. Oh but wait, technically I didn't watch either of them because Bean had to register to vote first and Sese was next in line behind me to vote so when I was done I scooted ( many excuse me's later ) over to where Bean was signing up to relieve Choo who was standing with her so that he could go vote and then Sese and I stood outside because there were so many people packed in the Elementary School gym where as it was Sese's education began at 5 years old and here she is almost 23 and in my eyes seeing the chubby cheeked little girl that never wanted to go back to kindergarten walking towards me smiling after she cast her vote only to have Bean come out when she was done and ask it we were supposed to mark an X or a check mark. Then we were all struck dumb for a second as you could see us all mentally sift through what we had done.

And breathe...

All in all though it was a memory I'm very glad to have.

So the next post I tried to line up? My Awful Halloween costumes! Which I left the photos of on my other computer and can't even give you a sneak peek but I'll finish that post this week...at some point....ugh. What was nice though was that last night Bean and I went over her Pinterest Halloween board to pick out special drinks and food stuffs for the 3rd Annual Halloween Party. It's a thing! We made it a thing! Happy dance!

After that is when I noticed that I had started 3 different posts with no endings.

There is so much to do on many different levels don't even get me started on Chapter 17 of CF because I may die right now if I even think about it, and I tried, I really tried to put it into some form of order and take the advice of so many that I've spoken to about this ( All Hail Twitter! )  but except for my desk at work that has to be in order, I seem to work best in the midst of chaos so why fix what ain't broke right? I'm just going to embrace it and continue to roll with it, letting it all play out. Hopefully taming my inner frustrations at things around me and working with everything I can to make even the little things happen.

If it kills me...

 I'm like a squirrel right now and it's like my fingers are on speed just to try and get this out before it disappears in the wasteland of the day and my brain.

The fact that I'm just going to post this as is, in a rush to make sure I get at least one post out this week of  is a good thing maybe not for you because it's all going to sound like a distracted mind but for me at least considering the derailments and distractions I've had going on it's amazing and yet I love it all so I'm not complaining because life would be boring otherwise.


Ok, get back to work or play or however you chose to spend your day.

Soundtrack for the day?  Punk Rock

Have a great week
See Ya
S

PS TWD...best episode ever!

A Writer Refreshed And Renewed?

Happy Monday!

OK I can't even be fake happy about Monday but with coffee in hand and after a weekend of grey skies and weird rain patterns it looks like everyone can breathe again...barely but a deep breath was had anyway! The raccoon is back and has the balls to actually enter the house now repeatedly and my cats stay out of it's way which is just...great...

I had a 3 month check in review at work a couple of weeks ago and my office manager asked if there were any courses that I wanted to take to further my career, my answer right away was no, not that I would decline the chance to learn but we all know that my current job although it is my career at the moment is not what I want to do forever and it made me think... hard about where I'm at now.

In the past week I have reacquainted myself with my characters and have been more than motivated to continue CF.

Last week I tweeted that I fell in love with another authors characters, my own are outraged and demand attention. So I've been giving it, thinking about them, remembering them and treating them like the living breathing beasts that they once were and are again.

My problem is always that life constantly gets in the way and I've probably said it 100 times that I need to get back on the horse and I have. I make sure that at LEAST an hour of every day is dedicated to some angle of writing and utilizing the resources I've had in place but never really took advantage of. I'm even thinking about creating writing space which I don't have now.

With my lunch breaks at work are a perfect time for writing for an hour, it also means that anything I do at home is bonus time. From this new motivation came a new character I created and am very excited about.

 And then the daunting task of revising what was previously written and posted begun.

When I went over what I had written over a year or so ago I was mildly appalled! I definitely realized that you should not lose track of what your doing. Too many things fall away and end up missing and then things don't make sense. Way too many!

So after seeing that and being horrified, section by section things are being readjusted and re-written to rebuild that loss of continuity and balance. There were a lot of RE's in that sentence and this entire post actually. That's where I'm at though.

I get help and encouragement from the family and I have to say though that Bean is the one that tries to propel me forward the most when it comes to writing, finding things to help me concentrate, linking my to storyboarding you know telling me to enter contests stuff like that.

I gave Blondunicorn a CPW (Character Profile Worksheet) to create a character for me and I think that's going to be a kind of social experiment I'll probably ask some others to do as well. Just create a character, You have no control over what happens to the character however you create a small back story and hand it over. I'm excited to see where it could go. She's so excited about it and thorough that one I tell ya. Maybe she could write about how the experience went for her? I'll have to ask her or if she's reading this then I just did!

So if your interested let me know and I'll send you out the character sheets or I could just post them I guess eh? Hmm...

Now as I said I've fallen in love with another authors characters and between writing my own and reading hers my brain is full of words...all the time. I have to seriously force myself to put down J.R.Wards books and I'm reading them faster than anything else I read except The Stand which I read in 3 days and these are the same that way 2, maybe 3 days tops.

So if you see me posting writing quotes like this one..

or this one...

It's just me keeping my motivation up until the whole process is like breathing and I end up completely obsessed with it. That's my goal.

Have a great week!

See Ya
S.

I Owe It All To You

Morning Lovelies!

For those of you that had a long weekend this Aug, I hope it was a good one! It sure was WAY TOO HOT but it was good!

We BBQ'd on Sat in 35 degree heat or something stupid like that and for a cooling down dessert there was fruit soaked in Strawberry Vodka. I wish the pic was better so you could see that Marilyn Monroe is the main focus of this bottle but regardless it was pretty good! Kind of Strawberry Shortcake flavoured really...

                                                                                                                                                                            Anyway it was a good time! After a recovery period the next day, not a hangover ( for me anyway ) but more like just an exhausted feeling all day, I started thinking about how busy I am. Do you know that feeling of having so much to do and not enough time to do it but it doesn't seem like you have that much to do because you don't really need to leave the house to do it?

 I don't even know if that made sense... 

Between Writing, Blogging and Crafting along with managing everything else it all piles up. There is social media maintenance too and I put that pressure on myself though so now I have to manage it. Like the websites I was going to talk about...I went and looked at them and was interested but I can't draft a blog. If I draft it, I won't post it and as much as people say blog often I find that if I do so more than once a week that it throws me off. As long as the information is fresh in my mind or they have interested me in a way that they stay on the forefront of my brain then they get lost in the draft section.

I can Tweet it like a mad woman though because it's right now, this second!

So now I've been starting to seek out the advice of other Writers and Bloggers now I find that quite a few of them only have the 2 situations going on at once. They write and they blog but there is so much more going on in my world that it will never be just the 2. The urge to experience life, see new things and just generally be happy drive me these days and I am happy with the chaos swirling around me like a Tasmanian Devil, I'm inspired everyday by people that surround me as well as thoroughly confused by some others and their need to be cruel. the Morals of some baffle me and used to make me angry but I've chosen to be happy and their decisions don't run my life...I do.

You guys inspire me everyday. My friends and family, the people I don't know other than commenting on shared interests. People I've known for years and only Poke once in a while help me strive to be more.

All of you drive me. Crazy sometimes but still drive me...

So for now I can try to keep you entertained and promise that if I'm going to review something I'm just going to do it and post it right away no if and's or but's. Keep sending me your words of encouragement and randomness! 

I love the randomness and the craziness and the weirdness.

Keep it coming and thank you for helping me find...me.

See Ya

S