The Show Never Ends!

Hello Lovelies,

    How was your weekend? Here we had a long weekend because of BC Day and that's why my post is on a Tuesday this week.

    Sitting here and thinking about the past few days, coffee in hand  while I wait for the rain to start I'm trying to filter through everything that's happened. A lot between young life drama's, older life drama's and getting off the couch and out of the house, writing and of course me learning to ride.

Not necessarily in that order.

    The young drama...oh how simple it is...but you know not for them while they're in it. I think back to when I was 21 or so and the things going on with my group of friends was very similar to what's happening for the girls and yet all on completely different levels. As logical as they can be sometimes the wrong choices are made, sometimes the right ones even though they seem wrong but none of them treat things like it's the end of the world in that dramatic fashion most girls have. Sometimes I'll listen to the 3 of them talking. They'll be on the deck or downstairs having their sisterly chats and I'll just stay back and listen to them make each other laugh as they talk about things going on for them and then they will get into more serious discussions that they won't all agree on but they listen to each other's points.

     I've been playing with a post in mind to give you more insight into the crazy zoo that is my life. Hopefully to give you a better picture of the diverse personalities in that world and how every one of them can bring a smile to my face even when they're being ridiculous. They are my heart, my soul and my life and the others around me are my universe, always in motion and yet keeping me steady, keeping me whole. And...sometimes slightly crazy and frazzled.

    And then there's you guys, you're there all the time and you deal well with my ramblings no matter how crazy or random they are, you support me when bad things happen even though I never see you, you remind me that I'm never alone. Not that that's possible because to be alone I would have to lock myself in the bathroom and really that doesn't work either because I'm Mom. In truth when I am alone I have no idea what to do with myself and wonder where everyone else is.

Ok well... that was not where I was headed...

    In other weekend news I did more riding this weekend that ever and it was as I would say a complete and utter gong show and in my defense I was utterly unprepared so some of the things that happened and there's so much that happened that I don't even think I can spit it all out here so let's go to the bullet points.

•  Even though I know how to not stall my bike it seemed to be all I did. I can pull away from the curb with no problem but get me to cross traffic or turn into it and my brain apparently forgot everything. Choo was super patient with me while I cursed and swore at myself.
•  My girl was seriously hard to turn on Sat. It turned out I only had half the tire pressure I should have had in the front tire and the back was low as well. Once that was fixed she was easier to maneuver.
• Know a guy, owns a bike shop,  apparently my pegs weren't set properly so he fixed them. You wouldn't have thought that something so small would make such a difference but then my footing was different and that was something I had to familiarize myself with too on top of wearing proper riding boots for the first time.
• Leaned my bike over because of an asshole trying to rush me out of the way but yay me that I held her enough to gently put her down and afterwards I was told by every single person there to not let the pressures of other people on the road get to me.
• Another friend there took me out to show me how to shift gears and again I stalled continuously, again angry with myself and all he said over and over was that I had all the time in the world. Now when your trying not to slow down traffic it doesn't feel like all the time in the world that's for sure.
• At one point I forgot I even had feet because I was moving and they... were not on the pegs. I have no idea what happened there...at all. That was a first. 
• We're not going to talk about what I realized shifting gears.

    I scared Choo to death a couple of times but hey...I survived and so did he. With the help of everyone I had been around that day I thought back to all of my mistakes, especially about the ones I shouldn't have been making. Everyone is super supportive and telling me not to worry about those things and that I'll get them in time, that I just need more seat time.

    Well great and I get that but it doesn't stop me from dissecting every second of it.  I didn't feel well when I first went out, getting frustrated with myself made things even worse and feeling pressure where there wasn't any all contributed to my loss of focus in trying to learn new things while holding on to the ones I had practiced so much but couldn't make work, so the next day I asked Lo if she would go out for a little putt-putt with me. Just a circle, only right turns because I needed the room to shift, to turn and to get over my apparently uncomfortable view of traffic so I chose an area that had two roads with frequent traffic and 2 cross streets where traffic would be at a minimum. We both went about riding in a different frame of mind. She was not open to it when she learned 9 years ago where it's all I want to do right now so I'm confident in riding with her that regardless of the difference in our mindsets that she knew where I was at and how I was feeling.

    After the first time around I saw simple mistakes I was making. The next time around I would correct them and then notice others like why 2 of the roads I was turning onto for some reason I would turn wide, so wide I would be in the other lane. Thank fully those were on the roads with no traffic and yet in the main roads I would still turn wide but end up riding the yellow line. After a couple of hours of repeating the patterns in my head I could see that "Look where you want to go" was in full play there. The main roads had the lines and although I was looking at them so that I didn't veer into the other lane I should have been looking further forward in my own lane.

    On the other 2 streets I was looking at the far side of the road because there are no lines on those ones so my turns were wider. At least that's what I think it is...I hope that's what it is because I'm definitely much harder on myself that those guys are. Then came soreness in muscles that are not used to it but whatever...they'll toughen up.

   On writing...I maintain that this is my baby, that I write for the personal satisfaction. I saw somewhere that an author decided he was a better reader than a writer so he gave it up. I have a story that I'm telling and who know how long it will go on? In my mind it's a series and it's Continuous ( see what I did there? ) I'll keep writing it and I'm glad I've found a few that stick with me each week.

I have now rambled enough! You should go back to you regularly scheduled programming and get on with your day!

Have a great week!

See Ya
S

   

You're Creating A Monster...

    Well some of you guys knew I was going to blog about this because it was a very happy and important thing in my life. Most of the time I live through humour because if your smiling and laughing things can't be that bad right? Ya...sure.

    Last week was the worst for me in a long time. Some things from work and some from home colliding together to just make things not so much bad but completely frustrating. Too many things going on at once and trying to let go of things I had absolutely no control over was extremely hard to do. Usually I can just roll with it physically or emotionally and yet a lot of the time I think it's because I have to be strong enough for other people that I'll put my disappointments or desires aside until things are made right in other areas. Going through periods of time when I just need to process things so I'll say little but hear a lot.

    We had our ups and downs last week and for me it was harder than any other time to adjust the thoughts in my head especially because I have things I'm eager to do for myself but rarely put myself first and then I have to rely on others to help me and that's a hard thing for me to do sometimes because I'm a very stubborn woman.

    You all know that I'm learning to ride. This is the frustrating thing for me, I have several people that can and are trying to help me but poor weather and them being busy had put a red light on my ability to be out on the open road and then making other frustrations all the worse as well as my mood. I never figured it would affect me that much. It's funny because I never thought I would be one of the ones that not only rode myself but that just wanted to get on with it and be gone, with my friends, on my own... just out.
Unlike the people I know that are riders I'm one of few that never ever rode. Sure on the back but to be in control of a motorcycle...nope, I never saw it in the cards.

    Lo and I have had several conversations and she has been the one primarily helping me but she works nights and I work days and her days off are usually mid week so besides hovering in the driveway showing me various things I needed to do, there hasn't been that much progress and along with 2 weeks of rain that didn't help. She's been riding for 8 or so years now and she's the sister of my soul so who better to show me the ropes.
She'll say someone else but whatever buck up buttercup.

    Her husband taught her how to ride but she didn't want to learn and ended up resistant to the process where for me all I want to do is learn and she calls me a sponge because I've taken to the instruction so diligently. I would endlessly practice the things I was told to but still wasn't going anywhere and I would get to the point where I would be like...ok...I got it...now what? I'm still stuck in the driveway. I would talk about the back lane but due to a lot of "Steph that's gravel." and "No." by the boys prevented me from trying that and even though Lo and I would talk about doing it anyway because I just wanted to have done with it, sensibility won out and I parked my racing thoughts and waited.

    In the meantime I ask questions, I'm involved and want to do this. We did have a weekend before last that was so stupid hot that breathing made you sweat and the tank was hotter than the fires of hell so it was best to let my girl wait until I wasn't going to burn my thighs... and then it rained depressing me all the more. So last week my mind was flailing, jumping from thought to thought about one thing or another, kids, home, work, riding ect and on Friday I finally saw a light ahead. Back at the beginning of June I ordered my helmet. Choo has 2, Lo has 2 but I wanted to have my own instead of borrowing one of theirs.

    On Friday I came home and it had been delivered! I was so happy when I finally got it out of the box that pics were taken and posted and my failing week felt behind me! I felt a sense of purpose! What it was I had no idea but my helmet was in my hands. I can't remember why I went out back but when I did I saw Lo's bike and then Choo's bike but mine was missing and I didn't hear her so I figured Choo had taken her for a quick spin and went back in the house. I hear him pull in around front so I'm standing on the front stairs about to ask him where he went when he tosses my keys at me and tells me to get my helmet.

 No hesitation...I fly back in the house, grab it and come back out.

    After a minute of feeling like a little kid as he adjusts the straps to the point of locking my jaw shut and me mumbling that I think it's too tight, I get on. Mind racing through the things everyone has told me and the things I've learned I had to center myself and then I let off the clutch, rolled on the throttle, after 2 or 3 seconds I have my feet up and I'm moving down the street. I do have a mild problem of getting super excited when I've accomplished something and then I end up doing too many things at once forgetting what I was doing but that only happens the first time.
I pulled her over and had to breathe for a second. Turned her around and rode back to Choo standing there smiling with that cheeky "See you can do it" smile. I stopped and put her in Neutral and he asked me if I was done. All I could do was shake my head and pat my chest because my heart was pounding so hard because not only did I do it but it felt like the bike wanted me to do it too. she's just as tired of sitting in the driveway as I am looking at her sit there.

    The next thing I know I'm riding up and down the street and the neighbour is out and telling me that an 86 year old woman just learned how to ride and if she could do it then I could too. Then Bean and Allan are out watching me and she almost set me off as she started to tear up for me. She said I had the biggest smile on my face. I told her I didn't even realize I was smiling. Choo found it interesting that I would go further and a bit faster each time but to that, all I can say is...

You're creating a monster...

Another friend called me crazy and for you...

You haven't seen crazy yet...

Have a great week!
See Ya
S

No Regrets.

Hello Lovelies!

 Do you ever have those moments where you think back to things you've done in your life and wonder if it was the right road? Most times I think it depends on where your life is now to answer that question.

 After my post on Friday I had someone as me if I had any regrets in my life. I'm not sure if it's because I had waited so long to hit this new stage. My first reaction was of course I have! Many, but at the same time what happened then made whats happening today better...in some ways. It wasn't possible back then to do what I am now.

It's been a tough road, the people in my life made it easier to survive and made me smile through it but it was still tough. I am an extremely patient person though at least with the people around me and I've made a lot of mistakes. Some I regret and some I never will.

 When asked what my regrets are...I couldn't think of anything beyond I wish I studied harder, or leaving home when I was 16, I shouldn't have let the person get to me, Being afraid of some things and not being afraid of others, or how I should NOT have had that last shot of Tequila, stuff like that. Although since I can't remember what happened after that last shot of Tequila then I can't really regret it now can I? Oh wait yes I can because the hangover after that was about 2 days long and a complete blur so I do regret that last shot of Tequila.

 Things would have changed though and I probably wouldn't have the kids or people in my life that I have now, or would I? If you think along the lines of how it's said that some things are destined to happen, then wouldn't I have been put in the situation to have the people with me that I have anyway? Crossed paths with particular people at a certain time in my life to ensure that it happened? To build the bonds that I have? I am a believer in the saying that "Everything happens for a reason." Most of the time I'm pretty sure the reason is just to drive me crazy.

Bat...shit...crazy.

Some regrets I have are just to have spent more time with someone or things I should have said and when I should have said them. Wishing some knew how I really felt about how some things played out. Hindsight is always 20/20 though right?

I'm not really sure if I answered her question because there are so many things to think about and think back on.  In the end you learn from everything you go through, would it change the decisions ahead. I think in some cases, yes and in others your brain freezes and emotion takes over and you can not control emotion. You can try to put a leash on it temporarily as logic takes hold but deep down there is always a tidal wave of emotion waiting to break free and either break you down or lift you up above it.

It's true though, never regret what made you smile, it made you happy once and it was what you wanted.

Have a great week!

See Ya
S.