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Monday, July 25, 2016

Confirmed... I'm Not A Princess.

Nope not in the least.

    Mind you I never claimed to be one! Sure I love shoes and nail polish, putting on that dress once a year that I don't wear anywhere. I have my princess moments like camping, I don't like bugs, need running water at all times and prefer to not sleep on the ground. I will if and when the need arises though.

    So with that being said I took the opportunity while the men were away to show that I'm not a princess or just a woman. On Sat once Choo left the house to go for a ride to a Show & Shine in Surrey, I moved my mostly stripped 1970 BSA from the shed #1 to shed #2. I'm calling them that because the first one he built attached to the house and the second one is a stand alone shed that he built to shelter our 2 running bikes but since they are outside for the season he's building a Shovelhead in there. So I figured there was enough room for me to move the BSA and strip the rest of her down so that the frame can be sand blasted and not tell him I was doing it so he couldn't make that face that looks so sad that I'm using some of his space.

    This from the guy I asked to buy me a shoe rack and he bought me a tool box instead. What good is a tool box if I don't use the tools right? It is pretty though all black and silver. I wonder what he'd do if I girled it out, some unicorns or pretty flowers?

Ok a bit of princess is showing.

   Where was I? Oh Ya...

    So I moved her all by myself and she only had the rear wheel attached so that was a chore as well as underestimating how heavy she was...bare. I also had to maneuver her around my Sportster and then around Lo's Sportster, between hers and the truck and the car that has everything blocked in, without tagging any of them while keeping the frame and wheel balanced. Around the back of the truck, into the grass and pushed her backwards up the ramp into the bike shed. She kissed my ankle on the way in and the bruise reminds me of that every second but it's all good.

    I got her in and settled and began looking at bolts, wires and things and figured that there was some stuff I could take off before he came home and I would be all self satisfied so I took of the pedals on the left side of the bike ( the right side ones were off already ). So pleased with myself when he got home and saw what I did he seemed pretty proud of me.

Me: Look! I took the gear shift off all by myself!
Choo: Brake pedal
Me:, gear shift.
Choo: Break pedal
Me: No it's on the left so it's the gear shift!
Choo: ...It's a British bike, they're on the opposite side

Me: Look I took off the break pedal!
Choo: Good job!

Just in case I did look it up and pre 1975 before the US changed their standards...everything was opposite. This made me realize that as I'm learning to ride and learning how to coordinate things on the H-D I'm going to have to learn how to ride the BSA differently. I'll be an ambidextrous rider...eventually! So the next day after chucking some broken concrete around...ugh...don't ask. It was back into the shop with me. Choo off on another ride somewhere I decided that the kickstand and rear wheel were coming off and both were a pain in the ass. He came home while I was removing one of the shocks and told me to wait until I took the tire off first.

Choo looking at the ratchet in my hand: Why aren't you using the Impact gun?
Me: Because I didn't want to.
Choo: But it's much easier.
Me: I didn't want to. ( hoping to gain the experience of using the tools he bought me...instead of a shoe rack. )

So he helped me, and figuring out how to get that thing off was a bit frustrating between 2 manuals and common sense dictation. I did find out what needed to be done and Choo found a screwdriver  to turn what I deciphered as the Spindle Nut that had a hole in it. Well he was spinning it and it didn't seem to be moving so we took another look at possibilities to get this wheel off. He got a text and had to leave again. I knew he was headed to Tim Horton's to meet a couple of friends and asked him to ask them what we should do. One of the ones he was going to meet actually sold him the bike and owns a bike shop so if anyone knew how to do this it would be him. Seriously maybe 5 mins after he left and I was looking at the Spindle Nut I noticed that it had loosened much more than we thought it had. That was all I needed and I put the screwdriver back in the hole and started spinning it, low and behold more and more of it worked it's way out so I told him to never mind asking the guys but I couldn't get it all the way out it just kept spinning.

That's when the frustration happened and I thought I was going to lose it so after each spin I would pull outward well push because the frame was close to the wall so I was standing over it. I even swore like a trucker at it but kept the motion.

Spin...push...spin...puus...until THUD a 4-5 inch rod fell to the floor and the happy dance began complete with arm waving and butt shaking. My next text to him was this... with a "WOOOOOOOOO!"

Next thing I know, 3 bikes pull up, I get 2 good job's and a grunt which made me feel very proud of myself!

It's not about proving that a girl can do it, it's proving that I can. I told myself that if I was going to ride then I want to make sure that I know how things work and I'm not going to mind doing the work to take care of my own.

Let the journey begin!

Have a great week guys!

See Ya

Monday, July 18, 2016

Back To Normal...Sort Of

Well Hello Lovelies!

    So after my complete melt down last week, it took me roughly 3 days to recover. Once I posted last week ( most views in one single day that I've ever had. Thank you! ) I felt better.

    I've always said that I'm here and started this to leave something behind for my family. A way for them to remember some of the good times which I try to concentrate on mostly but every now and then I find it works out my own head like Ramblings of a Distracted Mind and others that showed chaotic feelings. I did feel better though, it was like it was all out and once I put it here I could move forward and I did.

    A few days later a friend of the family passed away. It was a long time coming and as Lo would say they were prepared but not ready. I don't think you can ever be ready and even though I had only physically met her twice she entwined herself in my world through Lo and her love of plants matched mine, we got along over that and her flawless sense of humour while she took everything in stride. I'll miss not getting a picture of a random plant that asks me what the hell it is.

R.I.P. Kristi...we were well met.

Let's fast forward shall we to a conversation on the WCE with another friend that almost stopped my heart.

Me: So the vet will call me to pick up Cali's ashes this week.
SE: Did you get it done separately?
Me: *blink* What do you mean...separately?
SE: They didn't ask you?

At this point I know where she's leading but really...really hoping she's wrong as she looks at me with wide green eyes, hands covering her mouth ( but I knew she was trying not to laugh ) and eyebrows high in question and in knowledge.

SE: You can get your pet cremated separately or they will put them in with other animals and you might only get...part of her back. They didn't ask you which one and explain it to you?

Now... I'm horrified...and panicking.

Me: NO! They came in and asked if I wanted private cremation that was it!
SE: Ok good, it's ok that's what you want.

Relief flashed across her face and mine as my heart slowed to a normal rhythm.
We picked up her ashes on Saturday. Bean and I had a cry because she was home now and although the weight of her missing from our lives is still there, the world keeps turning.

Thanks for all the love and support! You have no idea how much that means to me.

The rest of the weekend was spent praying for sunshine and praying for no rain where we had a tiny bit of sun and a little bit of rain but mostly cloudy, muggy summer darkness. This summer so far is not as it should be and as much as I'm glad it's not 30 - 35 degrees out it would be nice to have some PREDICTABLE weather to possibly plan around. So all I could do was daydream about a future I don't have yet, book a tattoo and write.

Damn you Norman Reedus for making my obsession worse on Sunday nights.

Next on the list...the people going don't even know it yet but planning a trip to Hells Gate for the end of Aug. I'd like that to be my first long ride so get your shit together people!


Now I know that at least one of you is saying HELL YA! While a few others are saying OH GOD.

Fitting don't you think?

Have a great week guys!

See Ya

Monday, July 11, 2016

I Don't Have Enough Words...

Well...this is going to be a hard one to write...

I don't even know where to start I guess it's the beginning.

On Friday I worked half a day. So excited to get home early, the weather was sunny and it was an early beginning to my weekend.

Before I got home Choo had sent me a pic of my riding boots I ordered because with the looming postal strike/lock out about tho happen I was hoping I'd get them by the deadline and then it turned out that they were shipped by UPS and it wouldn't have mattered. I joked with him about him opening my package and stealing my fun.

Here's one of the hard parts...

Sese asked me to go to Starbucks with her so she could get her Very Berry Hibiscus whatever it is. Actually she didn't even ask I just went with her. As I'm walking down the street with her chatting away I saw a man walking towards us and I could feel that he was bad news. It rolled off of him in waves but he looked sketchy and I just wanted to get to Starbucks. As he walked by I heard him say "Fucking Nigger" now at first I didn't think I heard him right because although I'm no stranger to it it happens so little ( like once every 5 or so years ) that I wasn't quite sure I heard him right. I was pondering the thought when Sese's little face cut into my view...eyes wide and all she said was "Whoa!" She's 23 years old and I was embarrassed that my mere presence caused that for her. He doesn't know that I grew up in a white neighbourhood or that I don't even have black friends!

It confirmed what I heard and she was angry. I was fine, I said he was just ignorant and doesn't know me from a hole in the wall. I...was fine until I got into the coffee house and looked at her, angry and upset...for me. I didn't even realize until the words were out of my mouth how much it disturbed me, not because it was towards me but because she had witnessed it. First hand at her mother. I'm not a crier, anyone that knows me know s that but as I spoke tears welled in my eyes seeing her face and I said. "That's what you get from me. The part that's hated by assholes." She said "No, I've never experienced that." All I wanted after that was to go home. I didn't want to run into him again and have something worse happen so we walked the back way home.

I felt bad kids having to see it. Normally I could let it go but I kept seeing her face. When I got home I told Choo what happened and he asked me if I knew what the guy looked like and of course I did. Without a word he was gone. I went downstairs to asked Bean if Allan was home forgetting that I was home early because I wanted him to make sure that Choo didn't do anything stupid and hopefully calm him down before he found the guy.

Well...that didn't go well either...Bean and T along with a couple others took off like rockets there was no stopping them and as they walked down the street going after their father I looked at Sese and said "Hey look, there goes my squad." Nervous jokes but she laughed. After everything that has been happening in the US this seems so very small. I didn't expect the uproar. My family took to FB posting their outrage and sadness and I posted nothing because he was an asshole and I was conflicted. I felt like having my genes, having a part of me failed them.
My kids are grown and this unfortunately is our world and I do rarely see it and when I do it's by people who have to scream at me while they're driving away. Bean told me that she has had racial slurs slung at her from black kids in school thinking she's wasn't black enough because my girls are half/half.

It was a stark reminder of a difference that I don't feel that I have.
Anyway long story short they found him, a bank got closed down because of a hot headed nephew and he was too scared to face them. did I deal with that???

A bottle of Bourbon and I had a very close relationship for the rest of the night.

On to the second part of my awful emotional roller coaster.

My dog in my last post that was not eating. I decided that it was time to go to the vet. She would eat one day and not others, run some days and not so much the next ect. Lo said she would drive us so I grabbed California's leash and she lost her little mind she got so excited. Practically dragged me down the stairs and jumped into the car and off we went. She had lost alot of weight and I was surprised at the energy she had. Not as much as she usually did but much more than she had shown for a while. We got to the vet and she sniffed everything she could, choking herself pulling in all directions. We got into the room and I told the vet all about her inconsistent symptoms, the changes in her food because we were feeding her anything she wanted to eat just so that she would. the vet said she had lost muscle mass not just weight so we went over possible issues thanked me for all of the information and she sent Cali for Xrays and blood work.

The work took about 15 mins and Lo and I waited for the results in the waiting room. they brought Cali out to me and she curled up beside me. We watched animals come in and out, some making us laugh. At one point they even lit an Angel candle to signal that a dos was being put to sleep in another room. When they called us back into the room we could here the family next door sobbing and saying goodbye to their pet and I thought 'please don't let that be us'. when she came back in the vet said that there were 2 things we could do for her and the first option was euthanasia...and my heart stopped, I stopped breathing. The second option was an invasive treatment that would cause her more discomfort that she said flatly was not going to help and if she went to the emergency hospital she wouldn't come home. They didn't know what caused it and had no treatment for it. she showed us the x-rays and looked down at Cali shaking her head as Cal stood there tail sweeping from side to side.

She had an infection in her liver that made it swell to the point that it cut off her stomach and intestines. She said even if we brought her in at the beginning of her symptoms there would have been nothing they could do except put her down sooner. She said that considering the size of her liver that Cali should not have lived as long as she did, she shouldn't have been so bright with her tail wagging and interest in everything. She was confused and perplexed at how my dog walked in on her own 2 feet. We could take her home and bring her back in 2 days to be put to sleep or do it right away because the vet didn't even think with all the damage that she would have 2 days left. I couldn't take her home, I couldn't let her suffer one more day so I called the family together so they could say goodbye.

It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. There is so much more but I can't even tell you the rest because right this moment... I can't see the screen though my tears.

The vet said she hung on for us...she hung on for me.

I have no more words...

Monday, July 4, 2016

Deep Conversations Start In The Strangest Places.

Hello Lovelies!

I'm back from Vacation and already wishing I was still at home in bed.

Have you ever back to work and forgotten your passwords? Well that has happened.
Usually I would wait for a better moment to write this but I'm at a standstill right now so here we are! was your week?

Mine was productive and yet counter productive at the same time. Out of the many things I wanted to do. I managed about 3 and that was ok with me. Sleeping in was not possible but that was alright and I got to enjoy my quiet mornings. There is so much to say and I really don't even know where to start??

Besides binge watching Letterkenny, practicing my art techniques, trying to help my sick dog, attempt yard work ( attempt being the operative word ), a Canada Day BBQ, waking up to porn and going for a tiny but actual ride away from my house it was a pretty mellow time!

You're stuck on waking up to porn aren't you...

...of course you are you sick freaks.

Should I start from the beginning?

Letterkenny - WATCH IT...don't ask questions just do it.

Art techniques - painting objects to look old for steampunk projects.

Sick Dog - my dogs symptoms are consistent in their randomness. One day she'll eat, then next she won't eat the same thing she ate the day before unless it's grass. she is refusing dog food but still mooches for human food, She'll throw up every 3 or 4 days usually grass, she won't want to get up one day but will be running and excited the next and is loosing weight. A vet trip is going to be needed.

Yard work - well I cut things back, mowed things down and dug things up. Not in that order and only enough to make things look Our green waste bin weighs about 1000 lbs and it will take at least 3 or 4 of us to move it because of the constant food waste in a 7 person household so I'm thinking a compost bin will be a much better bet. At least we can use that to fertilize the yard and use the green waste bin for the yard waste.

Canada Day - Good old fashion family and fun.

Waking up to porn - You know how you fall asleep with your TV on? Well usually I'm asleep before 2am and in deep sleep by then. Not this time I went to bed late watching a movie on TMN and drifted off and you know how sounds filter into your sleep and dreams causing 'am I awake or dreaming questions'? In my sleep it sounded like COPS of a sort was on. They were using a bait car to catch car thieves, pretty simple right? Then I heard a phrase that would NOT be used on COPS...ever, and therefore I opened my eyes and looked at the TV. I did not expect what I saw.
Now the content itself didn't phase me but the position this woman was in most certainly did, oh she was the cop by the way and the perpetrator was not respecting her authority...wait maybe he was either way after my 'what the hell is that' moment and I figured out what it was I changed the channel and went back to sleep.
Now the next morning I was telling Lo about this and Bean had come upstairs in mid story. I even said that I couldn't continue because she was there but she's almost 21 and was curious plus we have a really open family.
You really know your children are grown when they except their mother trying to demonstrate the position she saw in a few seconds of  XXX movie because she rolled with it and even wondered herself how porn stars can possibly twist themselves into pretzels and still look like they're enjoying themselves, seriously it was like a game of Twister gone horribly, horribly wrong. Anyway we laughed and laughed and went about our day. Until later when T found out about it then a whole new conversation started about what young girls see in men and how their emotional state contributes to how men see them and and what they really think about the way they are approached and treated by the opposite sex. There was guy involved in the conversation as well so it wasn't one sided.  Among many other things I'm glad my girls feel comfortable talking to me and I have to say that I was enlightened about what girls their age really think about sex and adulthood from different perspectives.

Apparently Porn starts conversations. who would have thought.

My tiny ride. - Canada Day I woke up...stupid early, had a coffee shoved in my face and was told to down it and get dressed we were going to a parking lot for me to simply turn in a circle and lean. I've been learning in stages and for the most part whenever anyone talked about taking me to a lot it was always that someone else would have to ride my bike over to the lot. Not this time I was riding it myself and truly the lot was only 3 blocks down the street in a straight line, how could this go wrong! I suck back my coffee, grab my stuff, Choo goes out to warm up the bikes, I get my helmet on starts raining. Now me riding pretty much scares him on a good day so going out in the rain, even a little was not happening for him. He was leaving for the Canyon Run to Lillooet BC the next day and wanted to get this in before he left. He was more upset that I was so he went off to grumble about typical BC weather while I puttered around the house. A couple of hours later he came out, checked the sky and we were back in business.
This is how little I know about rider etiquette. He was in front of me before we left, sitting off to the side, so I sat patiently waiting. It wasn't until Lo said he was waiting for me to lead that I clicked in. I thought I should follow him but no sure put me on the spot so he can see how terrible I am and correct me. We Got to the lot where he made me ride in circles and around the building. I gave him about 100 mini heart attacks but I was good and apparently I have great balance. I didn't put my feet down even turning slowly which I thought I would and most importantly I didn't drop her.
So it was my first official ride albeit short I had to cross traffic, ride with another person and was not on the road in front of my house. baby steps but steps none the less!

Ok I'm done for now but there is so much more.

Glad to be back to the routine. Have a great week!

See Ya