Resurrecting Me

Hello Lovelies!

It's been so long since I've said that.

The week has been long I must say. I'm still working blindly at sorting things but it's all good. You realize that some things in the past were...what's the word I'm looking for...louder than they are now. Everything is quiet now, except Smokey when he scares the shit out of me every time he barks at the screen door.

You know what I've realized about the quiet? Things in my head seem louder because there are no distractions and there is way more going on in there than I thought! Not necessarily a good thing.

So where to start with sorting that shit out? I have no idea and I'm just trying to take it one day at time but the days are the same so I've just decided to throw myself into the things I can control because there are way too many that I can't.

I've moved into a tiny home ( I can call it that now ) from a 5 bedroom, two story shack as I called it into a small 2 bdrm suite. Getting used to the size was tough at first but it's all good now. It's quirky and needs some TLC and that's ok. Now first off my room has this mint green trim halfway up the wall and around the ceiling... that's gotta go. What colour to paint it? Probably blue making it look a little country cottage but it is my favourite colour.

Throwing myself into projects is how I'm going to handle this new phase because not only have I moved house but now I'll actually be able to concentrate and afford to build my BSA and this makes me happy except that apparently I've been entered into a friendly competition between my shop boss and a friend of his. The two of them in their brilliance have myself and another woman who lives in Alberta both building against each other. I had no idea but we both have to be done by Spring.

Gee no pressure...

She was a 5 year plan though and I'm still in my window so it's just the time that I have to invest now ( besides the money ) and time I have.

There's routines I have to break like thinking that...

I have to stay home once I get home from work. I don't.
I have to make dinner. Nope. Last night I ate an apple and a granola bar for dinner.
I need to be in bed at a usual time. Ha, I had so much trouble sleeping over the past few months that a usual time is non-existent.
I have rules... A friend always says rules are meant to be broken.
I have priorities. Well...now...the only priorities I have are me and my dog.

The crazy Zoo I used to have is gone.

They have grown and moved on and I have left a relationship that spanned half my life and had it's ups and downs ( more downs ) but wasn't completely awful. I'm not one of those people that are looking to "find myself" I know myself and I know that I'm going to grow and change and hopefully become a better version of me, a stronger more decisive version that knows what she wants and goes and gets it instead of procrastinating because there are other things that need to be done or there are other people more important than me. My girls will always be at the top of my list even though they are off living their best lives I hope.

Lastly, I have resumed writing. After Kenny...there was no writing but recent events have changed that and I found myself writing before I even realized it was because there's a story in my head that needs to come out. So that's it. Those are the 3 main things that I'll need to concentrate on over the Fall and Winter besides Motor Monday and resurrecting Weird News Wednesday because come on some of that stuff was too funny and laughter is the best medicine they say.

It's true! If it wasn't for some of my friends in particular making me laugh at their sick and twisted sense of humour this would have been an even more depressing situation and trust me I've had my moments.

OK you guys have a great week!

See Ya
S

It's Been Awhile

Well... it's been awhile...I guess the post title made that clear eh?

Long road for me these days and so much has changed since I last wrote here...or anywhere else for that matter.

Where do I start? When did you last hear from me? I could look but it feels like a long time, a really long time. Too many thoughts and feelings to sort out so this will more than likely be a rambling and updating post this lovely Wednesday. So I'm pretty sure I've been here since my youngest moved out and now my oldest has moved to Ireland for 2 years. She left mid June and it feels like forever until she comes home.

This will be the longest 2 years ever...

In other areas my world has taken on new adventures, some were bad and some were good. I just have to figure out who I am now without my baseline to follow without giving up entirely who and what I am. Sounds dramatic but not really. I had my kids young and am in the position where we are extremely close and I love that. For 26 years that has been essentially me and for the past few years I've been trying to find out who I am but the kids were still there. Now they're gone and after another tough decision I'm on my own for the first time since I was 18 years old.

So what do I do now? Friends have said "Whatever you want." or "It's time for you to live."

Some days it's hard to grasp that without missing what I had and even though I was blessed with what was even at it's most stressful ( and there was a lot of stress ) it all made me terrified to venture off alone. I'm not all alone though. There are people in my world that have stood by me and other's that have become very important to me and then there are the ones that I had no idea that I impacted their lives but apparently I did.

Good...You impacted me too.

Time and Life move forward and there is no turning back to some the choices I made were rash and to others they were a long time coming. I moved recently, downsized my home and my life. That was an adjustment that I didn't realize would be as tough as it was.

That first night in my new place with Lo in the next room I sat on my bed...a different bed...looked at my room full of boxes...my faithful buddy laying on his bed in a new place...and cried. Not ugly sobbing crying just tears of remembrance and release, knowing I was going to be ok once I got settled.

Still settling and getting better.

So with that said ( as brief as it is ) I think I'm back because if it's one thing being here did it was give me a place to consolidate my thoughts and as usual I feel better after doing that. So many things to say but for now I'll keep it simple.

It's October, my favourite month of the year in my favourite season. The dark months will be filled with learning for me and I'll try to take you with me as much as I can.

Hmmm...I'll have to update the blog though since my bike isn't silver anymore but blue now and she is sexy as fuck.

Have a great week.

See Ya
S

Just Call Me Shop Girl.

Well it's actually a Monday when I'm writing this!

Although in my defense I start writing it every Monday it just might not be posted that day.

The weekend goes so fast now and the week is fast enough between the commute Downtown and back everyday. Most of the time I'm just an invisible person in the hustle and bustle of the flow of people at 4:30 everyday, reading while I listen to music to pass the time on the Skytrain home.

The days fly by even more now that I have something else besides work and home...and now more work but that's ok because yesterday ( it's now Tuesday ) I got word that my bike is fixed! It came in the form of a video of the shop floor and I could hear her...the way she should be...and as the camera panned up it was her all back together and that low rumble minus the sputter that got her in there. They did it quick and I'll give her a quick clean up before bringing her home because I'm the Detail Girl now...apparently and I don't even care.

Spending a Sunday in the shop watching Hell Ride and conditioning leather that so desperately needed it was not work at all.

Who knew that I would love being around them so much! I always liked them but we're bordering on obsession now since I'm spending so much time around them.

Nope not bordering, I'm full on.

That's a good thing though, because this will be the 3rd riding season that I can be a part of and since I could only ride once last year and it was for maybe 15-20 mins when we figured out there was a serious problem, I almost feel like I've forgotten how to manage her.

She's a 1200 and a beast with her 4 plug Buell engine. At the same time being scared that I have forgotten something doesn't stop me from wanting to just get on her and go, just hoping and praying that I shift properly and see if I (bad habit) roll on the throttle while pulling in the front brake.

I had stopped doing that! Now I have shifted my bars, have thicker grips on her and changed my pegs so handling her will be a bit different but really I have no base of comparison because she's the only one I've ever rode.

Side note- I wanted her home yesterday if only to get her out of the shop because there is an 88' Heritage Softail that needs work and if you've seen my Instagram then you have seen the pics of that one. If not then here...

It sat under a Pine tree for a few years and her owner finally decided to get her fixed up. He said the last time he rode it, the Regulator caught on fire and it's been parked ever since. What I didn't like was that there are Pine needles all over it and in everything they could possibly slid into and that it was green when she got there. So I gave her a quick  rub down to get the dirt and...green stuff off before I went to work on seeing if any of  the leather was salvageable.

Some of it is and some, not so much but she's getting a makeover and after just cleaning her up a bit she looked pretty good but there is lots of Rust that will have to be dealt with.

So with all of that being said,

What would you have in a detail kit? Is there anything you would swear by?
Products that just don't work? I feel some reviewing that's going to happen.

Ok gotta go.

See Ya!
S

Mindset and Motivation

                   

Hello Lovelies!!!

Well I'm tired...the time change didn't do much to make it that way, I would have been tired anyway. The weekend was sunny and warm making it successful regardless of anything that happened. Porch weather is almost here and I can't wait!

So how was your week?

Mine was mellow and content, I did a little detailing and I could stay at the shop all day...and pretty much do until Choo wants to go home. Even if there's nothing for me to do around there ( like Sunday ) I can watch the guys work and talk about riding all day long even though I'm still new it's great to hear the stories...even the bad ones.

I met a guy who didn't ride for 33 years because his mother and father had gotten into an accident that scared them away from it and now he's doing what he wanted to do. Where for me, I didn't even know I wanted to do it until presented with the option.  I know women though that either only learn to ride because their partner wants them to and they either end up loving it or terrified of it.

Someone I know recently did just that. He bought his wife a Sportster and over the course of a couple of month convinced her to learn to ride. From what I understand he himself is a relatively new rider but he talked her into it. On Saturday he got into an accident that flipped his bike multiple times. He's OK, a bit limpy with some road rash. His bike however was on its maiden voyage with fresh paint will now have to be put back together again. He was lucky...

After the accident his wife was a solid "No" for riding.

I can see why it would change her mind especially if it wasn't what she wanted to do in the first place. Even with me being presented with it I wasn't going to do it for anyone other than myself because I wanted to do it and even though I haven't rode much I can't imagine not doing it now. In fact all I do is think about when I can do it again and go further.

Everyone is very encouraging and I'm being introduced to more and more female riders along way, with so many riders in general. On top of that I follow some great women on various platforms that inspire me all the time.

You know what else motivates me?

That I'm not only doing it for me but for them too, the people that believe I can do it even when I don't think I can or that I'll forget what I've learned and not only when it comes to gaining my riding experience although some of them have no problems sending me crash videos because you know... they're assholes but I have no illusions when it comes to that either.

Where was I?...oh ya... Motivation to learn which is why I could stay at the shop all day and just watch the guys work, taking in everything they do...except wiring...wiring looks frustrating and difficult but they're pros at it. Still working on mine at the same time and hoping we can get a plan together so that I can get back out there.

So many took the beautiful weekend to put Insurance or Permits on their bikes and go. They were everywhere taking advantage of the sunshine and dry roads. Just remember that there are things you should do to ensure you have a safe riding experience that first trek out after Winter weather. so I've attached a link to Motoress and Bike Bandit who have a great articles about getting ready to ride.

Motorcycle ride ready tips for the new riding season.

How to Prepare your Motorcycle for Spring

Kenny's Road is growing on it's own now as word of mouth circulates about something we wanted to do to remember those we've lost as we try to raise awareness about drugs, the fentanyl crisis and overdoses.

We finally picked a date (Aug 12, 2018) and even though our primary ride will be a small thing another group in Ontario would like to get on board with it as well and ride there on the same day.

I'm still working on that post but I'll admit it's a tough one to write and I have to keep stopping.

If you want to learn more about it as it builds you can check in here or follow me on Instagram 

OK Guys, Have a great week!

See Ya
S

Working On Kenny's Road

Work, work, work...

As usual I have created my own sweet hell!

Besides my Monday-Friday job I have the shop on weekends now and wow...is this a job that's going to cause me to rethink my life because it's just as disorganized as mine is.

There is so...much...stuff. I totally understand why they need the help because there is so...much...stuff...

So much it was tough to know where to begin with it all so I started simply with the inventory. Everything labelled with Parts #'s and Prices and I still didn't get it all. On top of the inventory there is the general overhaul that has to happen to make it more functional, not so much on the bay side but the office and sales side. I might have to document this transition but you know me, as much as I'll want to it might not happen lol. Again I have so much on my plate right now that I don't know how I'll do it all still trying to build up my own Brand and take care of so many things.

You'd figure that things would calm down but on no...that is not the case. Still though I do function better amid chaos so we'll see what happens. I had said to Lo that I'll have no days off anymore with the second job ans she said...

"If you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life."

After the weekend I found she was right. It didn't feel like I was working and I can't see being there feeling like that, especially when stuff like this is going on.

That's my bike undergoing some work. She ran like crap last year so the guys have decided to give her a serious look.

It turns out that since I have a Buell engine in my Sportster I need 4 spark plugs to run her.

When the plugs got changed last year one didn't go in right but now the head needs to be re-threaded. ( Still partial gibberish to me but I'm getting it ) I can see the $$. They seem pretty eager to get me riding though this year and have runs planned that they want me to be a part of including the ones I want to do myself.

I kind of touched on that a little bit in a Blog Post I've been working on and will explain there more but it's called Kenny's Road. It will be an annual run for us and we hope to build it into something bigger one day. I've gotten good feedback from people I've talked to already and even gotten offers of support for it to happen.

A run for those we've lost to Drug Overdoses especially those that are Fentanyl related as we've lost another satellite kid just last week to it. We're hoping to raise money for Addiction Centers.

There will be more to come on that one later as it won't be until August and the date isn't set yet but it gives me hope and a sense that Kenny's death will mean something good instead of breaking my heart endlessly.

Ok enough of the heavy.

Have a great week!

See Ya
S

The Long Road

It's so hard to get here these days.

Work is crazy and life is too and not in a good way but super stressful and coping is tough on a good day.

It's taken me so long just to put this blog together because things keep getting thrown at me but you know what? It's not all doom and gloom, I've realized my own emotional strength and decided that I'm not going to feel sorry for myself anymore between my non-existent landlords unless they are looking for the rent, the money crisis at home and some people just not using common sense to get things done. I've done everything I can to help us stay afloat while others sort their shit out. Don't get me wrong I have shit to sort out too, sooooo much and I'm trying to do that. My problem is that when I do it's not going to make others happy because they will be forced into positions that they will have to deal with and overcome themselves.

I'm a safety net and I can't be that anymore but how do I stop?????

I only have one kid left at home now and she'll be heading to Ireland for a working holiday in a few months.

The Winter weather doesn't help either but you know what? I'm beyond caring to the point of onset depression, I can't do that anymore. Waiting for things to change on their own is not possible. I know I need to get out of the house we live in because well really no one should live in it but it was what I needed at the time to make sure we had a safe place and a roof but I need it to be on my own terms. Unfortunately affordable housing here and the ability to have your pets is virtually impossible now and I'm not willing to give up my dog or my cat so there's a hurdle or 10. With only 1 income it's going to be super tough to manage and has been all the way around already.

Things need to move forward regardless of where we live there needs to be progress.

Looking out at the snow makes me remember that I didn't get to ride much last year and so even though this will be my 3rd season of it coming I'm pretty much scared that I forgot everything. I follow several others that are in places where they are riding now and ...ya jealous. Which brings me around to helping at the Red's Famous Garage Sale and Swap Meet at Trev Deeley's hanging with the boys for the 2nd year now, meeting people and picking up a second job on weekends in the shop at Jon Armstrong's Motorcycle Repair, found a new Windsister there that's new to Vancouver and got new grips for my Sporty.

Funny though that between the 2 jobs one is Corporate and the other Blue Collar but what I really like about the fact that I'll be in the shop on weekends is that I'll get to learn not only how to take care of my bikes but how he runs his business. How did I get this new path?

I complained that he was disorganized...

Now I get to Organize his chaos... if you had seen this then you would see what  huge job this will be but that's ok, I'm game and my Sportster gets serviced and hopefully (fingers crossed) the BSA's motor will get rebuilt and I'll get to help with that.

Just call me Shop Girl.

#goals

So I feel the changes that need to happen coming like they're being pushed onto me and I've decided to go with it and not let myself get down about them because I'll end up sick or worse. I always feel better when I blog it out though and in true form that's happened. I started this off in a sad state of mind but now I feel more optimistic about things and that's why I'm here. I'll do what I have to do as usual but keeping in mind what's right for me from now on.

You can't depend on anyone other than yourself for your Happiness.

So with all that being said I'm off!

See Ya!
S

Never Have I Ever...

Been as Popsicled as I was this weekend.

We had no power, the why of why we had no power don't really matter as much (not my fault ) as the WE HAD NO POWER part.

BC Hydro rates can be crazy and as someone who has had the battle of the rates for years every Winter this is no a surprise. What was a surprise was that on a Friday mid morning we were disconnected. Usually this isn't something I would really talk about because who wants to? Changes in my thoughts recently though have told me that I shouldn't only show and talk about the things I want to but maybe a few that I don't.

Because...I'm an ordinary person with ordinary problems that are sometimes not so ordinary.

Hmm...Again it's a Monday post...I am apparently not kicking that habit. Maybe I shouldn't?

Anyway...Compared to the rest of Canada, the Lower Mainland is not that cold but when you have no heat or light it sucks and if it was colder I might not have made it through. It was bad enough. The candle light was fine but it being the same temp as outside...well...hell...no...

Poor Smokey and Oz even though they have fur were not impressed. I sent Sese to stay with Bean for the weekend and Lo to her dad's, so me and Choo had to tough it out mostly at night. I would only be at the house until maybe 10-11 am before Choo would come back from wherever he was and take me to Bean's house for some warmth and to hang with the family. her place is small but not too small. We would charge everything we had all at once. Download stuff to watch and go from there. The hardest part though was how utterly depressing it was to be at home and knowing we I had to go back there even just to sleep.

It's one thing to realize that when there is no power and you're stuck at a standstill of nothingness but it's another to realize how much you depend on and that whatever you were PVR'ing that day was not going to record. The first night you make up things to do to entertain yourself and after that there is just nothing except laying in bed to try and stay warm and hoping your nose doesn't fall off.

After some fast work. Not too fast because you know it was the weekend, this morning everything was sorted and we're back in business. Unfortunately I'm pretty sure that everything in my fridge and freezer is ruined and since I didn't open either of them the whole time I'm kind of terrified to look.

Was it -35? Nope.

Blizzard? Nope

Ice Storm? Nope

I don't even think it got below zero but that doesn't matter when your cold and can't warm up. I have to say though that our house does have a fireplace and we've been there 8 years...never used it and also never cleaned the chimney. So I'm not interested in burning the house down...even though we would be warm.

Funny the things you think of after the fact eh? I'll put it on my list as a to do before Fall and I'll forget as usual. I'm going to try not to this time though!

I know on the grand scale though that with the homeless problem we have here that I shouldn't complain because at least I had a roof and the chill was temporary but it is what it is. Something that I had to go through even though I have a decent job and have been there so long. It is not easy to survive on even what I make. To the point of me looking into a second job just to help with the outrageous rates we have to pay.

We would be classified as middle income and some months are still harder than others to get through while we steal from Peter to pay Paul and back the other way once we can. It's a viscous cycle I would love to end and I think that if I get things together this year it will be the one that makes the difference there. It's made me realize that I need to be tougher and stronger that way and make sure that something like this doesn't happen again. That's been the past 26 years of my life. Paycheck to paycheck, go without this to get that.

It's kind of surreal to go to your daughters house and have her take care of you.

Yesterday I stole a bath from her and one thing she told me the day before that was "Hot is Cold and Cold is Hot" well I forgot that and when I went to step in the bath it was ice cold...so not where I wanted to be at that point. We watched a show called Cheap Weddings and Binging with ...some guy that was pretty funny actually while I let the warmth soak in.

So we invaded and Bean looked like she loved it. Living in a house of 6-7 at any given time you get used to the social parameters that go with that so her home was full this weekend and she smiled from ear to ear. She's actually sad we have power back so she'll be making us dinner tonight before we take her sister back home to the poor snakes and hedgehog that had to suffer along with us.

Ok guys Have a great week!

See Ya
S

Day By Day, Minute By Minute.

It's been a tough go so far at trying to regain some form of the normal I used to have. Trying to throw myself back into the things that used to make me a happy and social person. The things that made me well...me.

I'm doing okay with being positive though so far and beating back the thoughts of not being good enough, trying to laugh more like I used to. Last night was a bit of a setback at home though as emotions ran high and low but in my typical fashion I talked them down and in the end laughter ruled the night as I helped chase back the shadows for the family...at least I hope I did. It looked like I did at least temporarily.

There's so much that needs to be done, so much work to do but I refuse to pressure myself into making it happen. Like everyone I have long and short term goals. A few I can't do based on it not being the right time for it for instance I have until May to get my Motorcycle license and last year was a bust for that because of bike trouble but I'm just going to do what I should have done in the first place and take the Course so that being said I can't do that until March or April because that's when it's available.

The BSA build well that's what it is and according to my timeline I still have 2 1/2 years to complete that and for the most part the engine rebuild is what will take the time and money.

Money...living here is not cheap but yet still cheap for where I am and making that work is a struggle most months, not just because of rent but the gas and hydro prices are insane. I feel like I'm complaining but I'm just listing facts as I know them and even though I know that my own drive and will are the only things that will get these things done, as much as I tell myself that I can do them there is always a sense of failure looming in the background.

Which brings me to the book I finished writing over 6 months ago and getting it published. There is another fear there that I'll need to overcome about not being good enough. How do you handle the fears though? Some people say just to buck up and do it and sure that's possible but it's not like they are ready to be attempted ( well the book, yes ) so the anticipation is the killer here. I have managed to get some editing in and there's another thing I'm going to push myself to do regardless of the outcome on the publishing front.

Exciting yes and at the same time terrifying even though I've got the second book bouncing around in my head. One thing at a time right?

Losing my train of thought at work because even though I love where I work it's still not the job I want to do but it pays the bills and I should strive to be the best at it that I can ( part of my 2018 goals ) but creatively...there is nothing creative about it.

So in between it's me just trying to survive day by day and minute by minute and trying to win the lottery or find a supplement income the days are long and trying. I'm pretty sure the crazy weather doesn't help and I'm not seasonally depressed but I do miss the bright days. The rainy and dark days don't bother me, the cold though yes. That's why it's my least favourite season. Funny though...I remember Snowboarding and loving the Winter way back when we actually had snow to look forward to.

So I pour myself onto this page to try and help me sort it all out and be proud of my accomplishments in my life.

I used to have a rigid posting timeline and this time around after...what...7 years of this? That is over. If I have something to say or show then I'm here. The other Blogs are gone, an ambitious trial but I'm a simple woman and will be taking it one day at a time while still trying to take you all with me!

Ironic that it's a Monday and I'm posting? Old habits die hard I guess...

I'd love to put something prophetic and deep in here but I simply can't think of anything to say except live your life don't fear it.

Ok guys I'm off to try and do just that.

Have a great week!

See Ya
S.

So Long 2017...

Wow so much has happened since my last post.

2017 was one of the best years and one of the worst at the same time.

My other half found his son that he'd given up for adoption right before we got together 23 years ago. He's always been apart of our lives in thoughts of what it would have been like to raise him with his sisters, or wondering what he was like as a kid. Our dream came true when he decided to come and live with us in July and 3 weeks later he passed away...fucked up the whole rest of my year.

There was no getting back on track.

I'm still having trouble with that but I think of him everyday. His words or... word is tattooed on my skin and the memory of the last day we had with him was perfect and always will be.

It was a great day.

The impact he made in such a short period of time was massive and I'm so glad we got to see the best of him in that time. Every time I look at the mountains he's there with a look of pure fascination in his eyes. He was born here in BC but raised in Ontario so the mountains and ocean were awe inspiring for him. Even though the story I can't even tell yet was tragic on so many levels, it brought other people from his world into ours and made our family even bigger in turn.

He showed me to look at things with wonder and to have a big heart. He may not have been mine by blood but in my heart he was mine as much as he was Choo's.

So this year I've decided to focus more on me. I try that every year but just trying to get my shit together this time seems harder and like me the harder it is, the harder I hang on to it and I need to let things go. Goals are one thing but my general outlook on life is going to take some work. So I'm going to try and keep blogging, (the urge just hasn't been there) and keep working on the things that are my world right now, just keep pushing through it.

I have a list of things to get moving on and we'll see how that goes as the days go on but I'll keep you posted somewhere maybe through Instagram or Twitter but somewhere.

I love that you guys have stuck with me and those that are still here I'm thankful.

See Ya
S