It's so hard to get here these days.
Work is crazy and life is too and not in a good way but super stressful and coping is tough on a good day.
It's taken me so long just to put this blog together because things keep getting thrown at me but you know what? It's not all doom and gloom, I've realized my own emotional strength and decided that I'm not going to feel sorry for myself anymore between my non-existent landlords unless they are looking for the rent, the money crisis at home and some people just not using common sense to get things done. I've done everything I can to help us stay afloat while others sort their shit out. Don't get me wrong I have shit to sort out too, sooooo much and I'm trying to do that. My problem is that when I do it's not going to make others happy because they will be forced into positions that they will have to deal with and overcome themselves.
I'm a safety net and I can't be that anymore but how do I stop?????
I only have one kid left at home now and she'll be heading to Ireland for a working holiday in a few months.
The Winter weather doesn't help either but you know what? I'm beyond caring to the point of onset depression, I can't do that anymore. Waiting for things to change on their own is not possible. I know I need to get out of the house we live in because well really no one should live in it but it was what I needed at the time to make sure we had a safe place and a roof but I need it to be on my own terms. Unfortunately affordable housing here and the ability to have your pets is virtually impossible now and I'm not willing to give up my dog or my cat so there's a hurdle or 10. With only 1 income it's going to be super tough to manage and has been all the way around already.
Things need to move forward regardless of where we live there needs to be progress.
Looking out at the snow makes me remember that I didn't get to ride much last year and so even though this will be my 3rd season of it coming I'm pretty much scared that I forgot everything. I follow several others that are in places where they are riding now and ...ya jealous. Which brings me around to helping at the Red's Famous Garage Sale and Swap Meet at Trev Deeley's hanging with the boys for the 2nd year now, meeting people and picking up a second job on weekends in the shop at Jon Armstrong's Motorcycle Repair, found a new Windsister there that's new to Vancouver and got new grips for my Sporty.
Funny though that between the 2 jobs one is Corporate and the other Blue Collar but what I really like about the fact that I'll be in the shop on weekends is that I'll get to learn not only how to take care of my bikes but how he runs his business. How did I get this new path?
I complained that he was disorganized...
Now I get to Organize his chaos... if you had seen this then you would see what huge job this will be but that's ok, I'm game and my Sportster gets serviced and hopefully (fingers crossed) the BSA's motor will get rebuilt and I'll get to help with that.
Just call me Shop Girl.
So I feel the changes that need to happen coming like they're being pushed onto me and I've decided to go with it and not let myself get down about them because I'll end up sick or worse. I always feel better when I blog it out though and in true form that's happened. I started this off in a sad state of mind but now I feel more optimistic about things and that's why I'm here. I'll do what I have to do as usual but keeping in mind what's right for me from now on.
You can't depend on anyone other than yourself for your Happiness.
So with all that being said I'm off!