At least I didn't run into the ah...Vampire/Werewolf guy again although this post might have been more interesting if I had but it's Monday and I couldn't care any less for the duration of the day but you know me and my posts are very rarely planned out ( OK never ) and very much spontaneous as I sit at the keyboard and type. I have tried to plan and organize my posts but much like my world everything is in chaos all of the time.
Like last week at work it looked like a tree threw up on my desk and it's not usually like that but I was on my own in my Dept for 2 weeks and...um...ya it wasn't pretty. Besides that and maintaining anything normal is an outside appearance only because my brain doesn't stop thinking about things I need to do vs want to do and for the most part just not doing it. It's like trying to organize your life while it's spinning in a blender with no lid on it and not only emotionally but very much physically from mental/physical health to purging the mountains of useless crap stuffed in closets, every nook and cranny and under beds. Trying to achieve some form of symmetry to the intimate world around me.
Yeah...right...not gonna happen.
You know how a tornado is ultimately destructive but crazy beautiful to watch how the sheer force of it can devastate everything and even though you want it to stay away from you, you find yourself transfixed? Ya just like that because when everything stops moving there's one hell of a mess to clean up, unfortunately shit in my brain doesn't land and there is no reprieve. I've tried many things to combat this! Nothing works and as calm and zen as I can be ( Oh and I can be ) I don't know what I'd do without the disarray...in my head. the physical stuff I wish I had a genie or a house sized vacuum that sucked stuff up and spit it out in the right order.
I've made lists trying to organize so many different things and they disappear never to be used, they just poof go up in flames of some kind. I can't even use a shopping list! It's like Elves or Pixies have taken them from me and hidden them just to screw with me but it's all there...in my head and yet not in the right order. The second I kick something out, something else pops in to take it's place. Like organization would help me? Ha! I actually laughed out loud there.
So instead of sorting through the mess in my head and putting things in neat little piles of to do, should do, want to do, need to do and will never do. I will pick certain things out of the swirling mass and run with it hoping to get it out of the way and done or banish it forever. A few things are sticking now like the motivation to write and further myself because that seems to feel urgent in some way and so many of you have been very supportive and helpful with this road I'm on.
I thank you so much for that everyday I'm blessed that you're there.
So I think that this dramatic Monday post was apparently where I needed to be as my fingers rush upon the keys telling me too many things are unfinished and they really need to be.
So...only mildly depressing!
But it's alllll good...
Have a great week!
See Ya
S
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