Finding My Flow

I just realized that I haven't blogged this week yet!

That's ok because I've been able to focus on writing, which I stopped doing for a few minutes so that I could let you know that.

It's funny when characters in your story that are secondary become something you are almost more interested in and their growth and journey is so much more than the lead characters. So this next post of CF will be elegantly brutal if that's possible and a test of writing it that way too.

For me this is a very long journey but the process needs to flow and not be forced so I write when the flow is there. Every time I try to sit myself down with the mindset have my fingers rush over the keys I just can't.

I have found though that I prefer to write by hand and then enter my words to computer effectively editing as I go...and then again before I post and it makes me feel special for those of you that are looking for new entries. I try to stay ahead of it but it's hard to keep up sometimes. I had said I was going to pull back a bit to lessen the pressure of everything I've put on myself and it's helped because the story came back to me.

So just a brief hello and back I go as something terrible is about to happen to someone who deserves it.

Have a great week!

See Ya
S

The Beast On My Shoulder

Hello Lovelies!

I'm back from Vacation and as usual when I'm on Vaca I'm on it from everything. I use Facebook minimally, I disappear from the Twitterverse, Blogging and Instagram...well Instagram gets used a bit but besides that it's like going dark.

Let there be light again!

It was a relaxed week. I rode when I could and still have issues that I'm frustrated with myself over though. I accomplished a few things that I was determined to do around the house while I was off but there is so much more to do and organize. I got my tattoo done so that makes #5, My PS4 got some usage as my gamer girl kicked in and with Choo in Edmonton on that weekend I slept smack in the middle of the bed and ate Sherbet for dinner, in bed, right out of the tub while binge watching Scream and Dominion and it was GLORIOUS!

My first thought was just to post on Tuesday and get it out there but instead I decided to wait and fill up with my thoughts with...wait for it...FALL! Yes I know there are still a couple of weeks left of Summer but Fall is my favourite season and the weather has been changing, the air has been changing, kids going back to school everything screams Autumn with coziness and comfort foods and not waking up in the middle of the night covered in sweat.

Stop

Let's pull to a screeching halt now...

I started this post around 2 weeks ago, Now I could have hit the backspace button but it's Monday and so far kind of awful so I decided screw it, why go back?

I hadn't realized that it had been so long since I was here last. Last Monday I was home sick and stuck in bed for 2 days. My laptop was beside me but I had no energy to make my brain or fingers work. So now feeling better with Fall coming only 3 days away my nesting season has kicked into gear. Fall is when I feel crafty and comforted and with the ups and downs my family has had in the past few weeks I have decided to fully throw my attention into projects that I have yet to finish as well as those I have to begin. ( I think I say this every year. )

I've been annoyed and angry, emotional and heartbroken and with each occurrence I find more and more that I have to tell myself to breathe, let it go and not hang onto it.

Ok so I can do that but it feels like those emotions of late are just kind of left hanging there like a hazy cloud right behind me, not in my way but just there. Maybe that's because I haven't been filtering them through adequately? On some days I feel a bit lost, like I've lost control of some inner beast that keeps me level. I call it a beast because it takes on the things that I have no control over or have to move on from... and although it consumes those stresses, it lives to protect me from them. ( Sorry writers imagination. No less true though. )

Having Chrons' Disease taught me early on that stress is the worst thing for me so over the course of my life it's been fed alot and in turn I've stayed in remission.

After a weekend of putting things into perspective and organizing the day to day I feel back on track and yet I had no real idea of how much stuff I actually have to do! Thank goodness I have help for the big stuff.

That brings me back to today and it's raining and I was wet, late for work and there was no coffee but that's over, coffee in hand and words written has made me content for now.

While I'm feeling confident and determined to put everything together, my beast sits on my shoulder curled up with one eye open waiting to be fed some more, but it's gotten fat over the past few weeks so I think a diet is in order.

And I think I just found my next tattoo...

Have a great week guys!

See Ya
S

What Has Been Seen Cannot Be Unseen

Hello Lovelies!

I'm back after a nice long weekend, that I had forgotten was a long weekend and then was very happy it was one wishing it was much longer. I really have to win the lottery.

So let's get to it.

There are a couple of things up for today, the first of course being the Premiers of 3 of my favourite shows Supernatural, American Horror Story and come on now The Walking Dead.

Let's start with SN because the boys are back and although I had trouble tracking it a bit I was so happy they're back for another season and for something like the Mark of Cain to be such an important factor last season, how come everyone and their...um...baby has one now? It's one of those things that will obviously play out over the course of the season along with what I'm suspecting is going to be an unwanted attraction but really...who cares it's Sam and Dean. Crowley in a woman's body was very entertaining and Cas...poor Cas...someone just needs to save Cas.

AHS-Hotel I'm just going to say this...WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? Within the first 15 mins of the show  I had to read subtitles which I only like to do watching old kung fu movies, saw scenes that reminded me of The Shining, Seven, Saw and Tarantino's 4 Rooms except that wasn't a "whore under the bed" and it wasn't as funny, realized that Lady Gaga was not awful and all I can say is Drill Dick.

Now Bean and I were speculating a bit at who the wrapped up guy with the killer extremities could be and she's betting it's Evan Peters because in every season he has something to do with a scene where someone is being violated but we'll have to wait and see. Wes Bentley is creeping me out more than the creepy people in the show are and as all of the previous seasons are linked together somehow, this one will be linked to season 1's Murder House.

I had even posted on Facebook that the FX warning for this show should simply say..

"The following contains ANYTHING YOUR SICK MIND CAN THINK OF" Viewer discretion is advised because you can not unsee what happens next. 

Because there is no way to unsee that! Any of it really because those were only the shocking moments. there are layers of insanity here and I along with others will watch it unravel.


TWD What...a...rush! The scale was so large you couldn't help but feel it looking over the expanse of Walkers which gave me goose bumps and I even uttered an "Oh hell no!" then and as Daryl emerged over the ridge with the herd behind him. Now was that a herd or a horde? Is there a difference?  How happy was I to have that bone deep anxiety for the group back?  I was so happy I watched it twice. Carol and Morgan will be fun to watch and every year Carl is like 6 inches taller kind of like the kid that plays Bruce Wayne in Gotham. That kid must have grown at least a foot in 3-4 months or just it looks that way. Glen being forgiving and Eugene kept the hair.

Fall has truly begun now Thanksgiving has passed for us here and I was just thinking that there is only about 2 1/2 months left until it's a new year again scares me a little.

Time flies right? Yes, yes when you're having fun blah blah because when you're not having fun time takes forever to go by doesn't it?

One the writing front I have a problem...I have a character that is quickly becoming more than the lead is herself and  I still want to tell the story but it seems that one story line is almost effortless to write where the other is a constant struggle. Although one has many more working parts than the other one does so, is it just the simplicity of it?

I don't know but it's doing my head in. Not like that means I'm changing anything.

Ok guys, thanks for the read and have a good week!

See Ya
S

The Imperfection Of Everything

Hello Lovelies!

Well last week I saw Whitey again and he was very happy to see me!

I should be scared right?

     The funny thing is that even though his stories seem way too...umm...fictional, he's so far a very nice guy just interested in sharing I guess and because you know I'm soooooo approachable that I get to be one of the many.

     As he sat down across from me in his blue and yellow Hawaiian shirt he inquired about my reading again noticing that I was reading a different book from the last time he saw me and then asked me how my day was. I told him it was good for a Wednesday and without hesitation off on the story train he went this time telling me about his travels to Mexico during a Cinco de Mayo some many many moons ago where he took his 007 type spy gear so that he could catch sight of a Spirit in an ancient church somewhere. He told me about finally catching it on film but that the spirit was just a shadow in the picture but he was certain he caught it.

Kind of makes me want to throw him in a story! In a way though I guess I am.

    Next he told me of meeting Stephen King during the filming of the original IT. After a brief conversation about my fear and downright hatred of Clowns that made him laugh he says " I like you!" I'm not sure it it's a good thing or a bad thing so if I disappear on a Wednesday never to be heard from again look for Whitey the Vampire/Werewolf/Secret Agent & Spirit Chaser guy he might have thrown me in a coffin, under the full moon with nothing but a micro-recorder and a bag of salt.

 He got of 3 stops later gave me a smile, a wave and as was well.

    So, now on to other things that will bore you to tears if that didn't already. this past Sunday we had the annual Car Show in Port Coquitlam that has gotten so large now that I prefer to stay at home instead of walking around in the masses but I had baby boy to keep me occupied so at least I wasn't bored. Being less than a block away from the center of it all it's much easier to go first thing as the cars are being driven in or right at the end when they form the loud vibrating lines of revving engines that shake you to the core as they drive off for home.

   On the writing front I'm glad to say that I'm still at it and that's a good thing. Revising has slipped back a little as the story is progressing forward and I know that I have to catch that up and fix the continuity issues for it to mesh together better but that work in progress is at least progressing and that's all I can as for. OK not all I can ask for but for right now I will take the consistency at which I spend time in my alternate written world over the perfection of it.

    If I've learned anything the only perfection I see is in the imperfection of everything and those imperfections make the world I live in much less plain. There is so much more to see and more to share preferably without judgments but that's impossible. Everyone has their own opinion and that's OK, being able to agree to disagree is a big thing in my house because even though some of us share the same view or opinion a lot of the time we'll have different reasons why we came to the conclusion. I am one of those people that tries to see everything from all angles. I never used to be and those teenage years were tough to learn from but I did. After I had my girls I was still learning being a younger mother at 19. Actions do have consequences whether they slap you in the face or just sit in the dark side of your brain reminding you that there was a time when what you thought was the perfect idea or the perfect choice...just...wasn't.

I'm rambling again, sorry! That just happens sometimes so on that note Lovelies...

Have a great week!

See Ya
S

The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To...

Monday again!

At least I didn't run into the ah...Vampire/Werewolf guy again although this post might have been more interesting if I had but it's Monday and I couldn't care any less for the duration of the day but you know me and my posts are very rarely planned out ( OK never ) and very much spontaneous as I sit at the keyboard and type. I have tried to plan and organize my posts but much like my world everything is in chaos all of the time.

Like last week at work it looked like a tree threw up on my desk and it's not usually like that but I was on my own in my Dept for 2 weeks and...um...ya it wasn't pretty. Besides that and maintaining anything normal is an outside appearance only because my brain doesn't stop thinking about things I need to do vs want to do and for the most part just not doing it. It's like trying to organize your life while it's spinning in a blender with no lid on it and not only emotionally but very much physically from mental/physical health to purging the mountains of useless crap stuffed in closets, every nook and cranny and under beds. Trying to achieve some form of symmetry to the intimate world around me.

Yeah...right...not gonna happen.

You know how a tornado is ultimately destructive but crazy beautiful to watch how the sheer force of it can devastate everything and even though you want it to stay away from you, you find yourself transfixed? Ya just like that because when everything stops moving there's one hell of a mess to clean up, unfortunately shit in my brain doesn't land and there is no reprieve. I've tried many things to combat this! Nothing works and as calm and zen as I can be ( Oh and I can be ) I don't know what I'd do without the disarray...in my head. the physical stuff I wish I had a genie or a house sized vacuum that sucked stuff up and spit it out in the right order.

I've made lists trying to organize so many different things and they disappear never to be used, they just poof go up in flames of some kind. I can't even use a shopping list! It's like Elves or Pixies have taken them from me and hidden them just to screw with me but it's all there...in my head and yet not in the right order. The second I kick something out, something else pops in to take it's place. Like organization would help me? Ha! I actually laughed out loud there.

So instead of sorting through the mess in my head and putting things in neat little piles of to do, should do, want to do, need to do and will never do. I will pick certain things out of the swirling mass and run with it hoping to get it out of the way and done or banish it forever. A few things are sticking now like the motivation to write and further myself because that seems to feel urgent in some way and so many of you have been very supportive and helpful with this road I'm on.

I thank you so much for that everyday I'm blessed that you're there.

So I think that this dramatic Monday post was apparently where I needed to be as my fingers rush upon the keys telling me too many things are unfinished and they really need to be.

So...only mildly depressing!
But it's alllll good...

Have a great week!

See Ya
S

Ramblings Of A Distracted Mind

Hello Lovelies!

I wasn't exactly sure where I wanted to go today for this post. So much has happened in the news and day to day life that I'm not sure where to start so I'm going to let my fingers ramble until I lock on to something.


It was nice to get some much needed rain this weekend! Yet I'm still baffled by the people next door to me that continue to water...their fence...their sidewalk...every f*****g day and consider that the restriction is not their problem. See how I did that? I'm being good (sort of) and semi censoring myself. Why? I  have no idea. Forest fire wise things were a little calmer this weekend.

The house next door is a drug rehab & half way house, 2 doors up we have and alcohol rehab & halfway house we are also being surrounded by assisted living homes and a CFL football player next door too makes it an interesting collage of people. Now the A rehab, their OK and keep to themselves, they used to have a guy that would sing at the top of his lungs every morning and night and he was awful at it but you get used to it and when it was gone I noticed. Mr. CFL, he is like a Ninja you don't see him or his family until they want to be seen and their really easy going. Until recently they thought there were only 3 people living in our house. There are 7 and a complete zoo but it's nice to know we stay under the radar. Assisted living... we've been there long enough for our little corner to become comic relief or drama central of sorts to them and we play a game with the bank of windows that faces us trying to figure out what their watching or even applaud when the old folks are dancing in full view. Many of them still got the moves.

The drug rehab...those guys...need to go if only because their complete rudeness and lack of oh I don't know morals or discretion just plain piss me off. A couple of them are ok and seriously want to get their act together and even one young kid comes over to borrow Choo's tools. At first I thought the kid might be casing the shop but he seems pretty shy and he brings whatever he takes back as soon as he's done with them. That, I can handle but it's the ones that think their tough first of all and that they're the shit and say things that make me want to throw stuff over the fence in hopes to hit one in the mouth especially if their talking trash in the vicinity of any of my girls. So besides them blatantly being loud assholes ( where did my semi censorship go? ) when they come across people they know that are in there with them it makes me feel like it's all for show and I think it's very true because one of those guys got kicked out recently not only for smoking something...in his bedroom but also breaching his parole as Blondunicorn got to see the action with the cops.

So from that constant distraction to trying to set up my writing space, the writing itself as my weekly posts come up every Wed and rewriting what was previously written. During the week, I'm a soldier at it but on the weekends it's a bit harder temporarily because I'm mildly obsessed with the book series I'm reading, it's more like consumed and forcing myself to put down the books is very, very difficult now once I'm done them that will be different and I feel like I'm rewarding myself if I make large strides with my own writing throughout the week.

So with that said and something random injected of me being completely stoked that I found Lita Ford on Twitter it was a good hard week and I'm all the better for it.

I even made myself sit in the car when we took a trip to Costco because...it would have been a bad thing for me to get out of the car...because it was Costco on a Sat morning and it was safer in the car for everybody else. I can't help it though I'm ok with crowds, we have a common goal, get in, buy stuff, you know but it's like stores need a fast and a slow lane and Costco has large lanes to begin with but more often than not there are 3 carts side by side and walking at an alarmingly slow speed. Annnnd...that sets me off as muttered curses are a constant until that one person stops dead in front of me and the curses aren't muttered anymore... they are focused. That's when BU and Sese step in grab me by the arms and shoulders to whisk me away. I just hate being delayed when I'm on a mission and to me shopping of any kind is a mission that takes prep.

BU was was thinking this time though she figured if we got coffee first I would be nice and calm and she told me that was the plan. I told her all she did was give me a weapon and as soon as we hit the parking lot I decided that staying in the car was a much better idea.

Ok I have rambled enough, my fingers have thrown up enough words here. Go about your day and have a great week!

See Ya!
S

Stupid Is As Stupid Does...

Hello Lovelies!

As another week rolls in and we go about our daily jobs, tasks and all of the other fun stuff can I just say something about Donald Trump? Just something small...

I never really cared either way about the guy as the years have gone on and even indulged in The Apprentice. When I saw that he was getting into the political race in the US I seriously did a WTF double take, that was weeks ago and I'm still having trouble with the fact that he's attempting this.

I'm not a political person by any means and really I only lightly pay attention because all the parties ever do is throw stones at each other. I have enough trouble dealing with the anti Justin Trudeau ads here in Canada with them confusing me with the semi nice ads saying he's just not ready yet and has nice hair. Mr. Right just not right now?

Like so many of us here we know way more about US politics than we do our own. Donald Trump however seems so random and at the same time I'm surprised it took him so long to step up to the plate. Now he just needs to be struck out and benched. Every time he's in the headlines I cringe and can't even take in all of the words on the pages. Once I hit the offensive part and there seems to be many, I just can't read any further.

This morning I read about how he won't apologize to John McCain for low pots shots at being a POW.

He's. Just...a dick. Plain and simple.

And I know that there is always going to be that crazy person that thinks having all the money in the world means you can run a country but come on...really?

As much as I loathe the way that in politics in general they feel the need to slaughter each other in the press in order to gain ground no matter what country your from, I know that's what some of them have to do. The scared ones. Their actions should speak for themselves. That's it I have no other words about this...it tweaks my inner rage.

On that note, the weekend was way too hot, we still have a stage 4 water restriction going, I now know how vampires feel when they step out into the sun and feel their skin baking there is no twinkling only searing and ya when is Fall coming?

 I am making progress revising and continuing CF. As I'm doing it post by post there will be portions that don't mesh up yet with the newer content but it will all make sense in the end. In between all of it I am reading a new series to me called the Black Dagger Brotherhood and have read 6 of the books in roughly a 2 week period and I will continue to say that I am in love with this series and I told the author that as well. My biggest problem at the moment is creating my writing space, I have the space it just needs to be set up and that will be my next chore because my story-boarding process needs a home not a folder.

So with reading, writing and my low tolerance for stupidity the week was productive! Now I just have to keep the train moving.

Ok guys, have a great week!

See Ya
S

A Writer Refreshed And Renewed?

Happy Monday!

OK I can't even be fake happy about Monday but with coffee in hand and after a weekend of grey skies and weird rain patterns it looks like everyone can breathe again...barely but a deep breath was had anyway! The raccoon is back and has the balls to actually enter the house now repeatedly and my cats stay out of it's way which is just...great...

I had a 3 month check in review at work a couple of weeks ago and my office manager asked if there were any courses that I wanted to take to further my career, my answer right away was no, not that I would decline the chance to learn but we all know that my current job although it is my career at the moment is not what I want to do forever and it made me think... hard about where I'm at now.

In the past week I have reacquainted myself with my characters and have been more than motivated to continue CF.

Last week I tweeted that I fell in love with another authors characters, my own are outraged and demand attention. So I've been giving it, thinking about them, remembering them and treating them like the living breathing beasts that they once were and are again.

My problem is always that life constantly gets in the way and I've probably said it 100 times that I need to get back on the horse and I have. I make sure that at LEAST an hour of every day is dedicated to some angle of writing and utilizing the resources I've had in place but never really took advantage of. I'm even thinking about creating writing space which I don't have now.

With my lunch breaks at work are a perfect time for writing for an hour, it also means that anything I do at home is bonus time. From this new motivation came a new character I created and am very excited about.

 And then the daunting task of revising what was previously written and posted begun.

When I went over what I had written over a year or so ago I was mildly appalled! I definitely realized that you should not lose track of what your doing. Too many things fall away and end up missing and then things don't make sense. Way too many!

So after seeing that and being horrified, section by section things are being readjusted and re-written to rebuild that loss of continuity and balance. There were a lot of RE's in that sentence and this entire post actually. That's where I'm at though.

I get help and encouragement from the family and I have to say though that Bean is the one that tries to propel me forward the most when it comes to writing, finding things to help me concentrate, linking my to storyboarding you know telling me to enter contests stuff like that.

I gave Blondunicorn a CPW (Character Profile Worksheet) to create a character for me and I think that's going to be a kind of social experiment I'll probably ask some others to do as well. Just create a character, You have no control over what happens to the character however you create a small back story and hand it over. I'm excited to see where it could go. She's so excited about it and thorough that one I tell ya. Maybe she could write about how the experience went for her? I'll have to ask her or if she's reading this then I just did!

So if your interested let me know and I'll send you out the character sheets or I could just post them I guess eh? Hmm...

Now as I said I've fallen in love with another authors characters and between writing my own and reading hers my brain is full of words...all the time. I have to seriously force myself to put down J.R.Wards books and I'm reading them faster than anything else I read except The Stand which I read in 3 days and these are the same that way 2, maybe 3 days tops.

So if you see me posting writing quotes like this one..

or this one...

It's just me keeping my motivation up until the whole process is like breathing and I end up completely obsessed with it. That's my goal.

Have a great week!

See Ya
S.