Hello Lovelies!
It's been so long since I've said that.
The week has been long I must say. I'm still working blindly at sorting things but it's all good. You realize that some things in the past were...what's the word I'm looking for...louder than they are now. Everything is quiet now, except Smokey when he scares the shit out of me every time he barks at the screen door.
You know what I've realized about the quiet? Things in my head seem louder because there are no distractions and there is way more going on in there than I thought! Not necessarily a good thing.
So where to start with sorting that shit out? I have no idea and I'm just trying to take it one day at time but the days are the same so I've just decided to throw myself into the things I can control because there are way too many that I can't.
I've moved into a tiny home ( I can call it that now ) from a 5 bedroom, two story shack as I called it into a small 2 bdrm suite. Getting used to the size was tough at first but it's all good now. It's quirky and needs some TLC and that's ok. Now first off my room has this mint green trim halfway up the wall and around the ceiling... that's gotta go. What colour to paint it? Probably blue making it look a little country cottage but it is my favourite colour.
Throwing myself into projects is how I'm going to handle this new phase because not only have I moved house but now I'll actually be able to concentrate and afford to build my BSA and this makes me happy except that apparently I've been entered into a friendly competition between my shop boss and a friend of his. The two of them in their brilliance have myself and another woman who lives in Alberta both building against each other. I had no idea but we both have to be done by Spring.
Gee no pressure...
She was a 5 year plan though and I'm still in my window so it's just the time that I have to invest now ( besides the money ) and time I have.
There's routines I have to break like thinking that...
I have to stay home once I get home from work. I don't.
I have to make dinner. Nope. Last night I ate an apple and a granola bar for dinner.
I need to be in bed at a usual time. Ha, I had so much trouble sleeping over the past few months that a usual time is non-existent.
I have rules... A friend always says rules are meant to be broken.
I have priorities. Well...now...the only priorities I have are me and my dog.
The crazy Zoo I used to have is gone.
They have grown and moved on and I have left a relationship that spanned half my life and had it's ups and downs ( more downs ) but wasn't completely awful. I'm not one of those people that are looking to "find myself" I know myself and I know that I'm going to grow and change and hopefully become a better version of me, a stronger more decisive version that knows what she wants and goes and gets it instead of procrastinating because there are other things that need to be done or there are other people more important than me. My girls will always be at the top of my list even though they are off living their best lives I hope.
Lastly, I have resumed writing. After Kenny...there was no writing but recent events have changed that and I found myself writing before I even realized it was because there's a story in my head that needs to come out. So that's it. Those are the 3 main things that I'll need to concentrate on over the Fall and Winter besides Motor Monday and resurrecting Weird News Wednesday because come on some of that stuff was too funny and laughter is the best medicine they say.
It's true! If it wasn't for some of my friends in particular making me laugh at their sick and twisted sense of humour this would have been an even more depressing situation and trust me I've had my moments.
OK you guys have a great week!
See Ya
S
Wednesday, October 24, 2018
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
It's Been Awhile
Well... it's been awhile...I guess the post title made that clear eh?
Long road for me these days and so much has changed since I last wrote here...or anywhere else for that matter.
Where do I start? When did you last hear from me? I could look but it feels like a long time, a really long time. Too many thoughts and feelings to sort out so this will more than likely be a rambling and updating post this lovely Wednesday. So I'm pretty sure I've been here since my youngest moved out and now my oldest has moved to Ireland for 2 years. She left mid June and it feels like forever until she comes home.
This will be the longest 2 years ever...
In other areas my world has taken on new adventures, some were bad and some were good. I just have to figure out who I am now without my baseline to follow without giving up entirely who and what I am. Sounds dramatic but not really. I had my kids young and am in the position where we are extremely close and I love that. For 26 years that has been essentially me and for the past few years I've been trying to find out who I am but the kids were still there. Now they're gone and after another tough decision I'm on my own for the first time since I was 18 years old.
So what do I do now? Friends have said "Whatever you want." or "It's time for you to live."
Some days it's hard to grasp that without missing what I had and even though I was blessed with what was even at it's most stressful ( and there was a lot of stress ) it all made me terrified to venture off alone. I'm not all alone though. There are people in my world that have stood by me and other's that have become very important to me and then there are the ones that I had no idea that I impacted their lives but apparently I did.
Good...You impacted me too.
Time and Life move forward and there is no turning back to some the choices I made were rash and to others they were a long time coming. I moved recently, downsized my home and my life. That was an adjustment that I didn't realize would be as tough as it was.
That first night in my new place with Lo in the next room I sat on my bed...a different bed...looked at my room full of boxes...my faithful buddy laying on his bed in a new place...and cried. Not ugly sobbing crying just tears of remembrance and release, knowing I was going to be ok once I got settled.
Still settling and getting better.
So with that said ( as brief as it is ) I think I'm back because if it's one thing being here did it was give me a place to consolidate my thoughts and as usual I feel better after doing that. So many things to say but for now I'll keep it simple.
It's October, my favourite month of the year in my favourite season. The dark months will be filled with learning for me and I'll try to take you with me as much as I can.
Hmmm...I'll have to update the blog though since my bike isn't silver anymore but blue now and she is sexy as fuck.
Have a great week.
See Ya
S
Long road for me these days and so much has changed since I last wrote here...or anywhere else for that matter.
Where do I start? When did you last hear from me? I could look but it feels like a long time, a really long time. Too many thoughts and feelings to sort out so this will more than likely be a rambling and updating post this lovely Wednesday. So I'm pretty sure I've been here since my youngest moved out and now my oldest has moved to Ireland for 2 years. She left mid June and it feels like forever until she comes home.
This will be the longest 2 years ever...
In other areas my world has taken on new adventures, some were bad and some were good. I just have to figure out who I am now without my baseline to follow without giving up entirely who and what I am. Sounds dramatic but not really. I had my kids young and am in the position where we are extremely close and I love that. For 26 years that has been essentially me and for the past few years I've been trying to find out who I am but the kids were still there. Now they're gone and after another tough decision I'm on my own for the first time since I was 18 years old.
So what do I do now? Friends have said "Whatever you want." or "It's time for you to live."
Some days it's hard to grasp that without missing what I had and even though I was blessed with what was even at it's most stressful ( and there was a lot of stress ) it all made me terrified to venture off alone. I'm not all alone though. There are people in my world that have stood by me and other's that have become very important to me and then there are the ones that I had no idea that I impacted their lives but apparently I did.
Good...You impacted me too.
Time and Life move forward and there is no turning back to some the choices I made were rash and to others they were a long time coming. I moved recently, downsized my home and my life. That was an adjustment that I didn't realize would be as tough as it was.
That first night in my new place with Lo in the next room I sat on my bed...a different bed...looked at my room full of boxes...my faithful buddy laying on his bed in a new place...and cried. Not ugly sobbing crying just tears of remembrance and release, knowing I was going to be ok once I got settled.
Still settling and getting better.
So with that said ( as brief as it is ) I think I'm back because if it's one thing being here did it was give me a place to consolidate my thoughts and as usual I feel better after doing that. So many things to say but for now I'll keep it simple.
It's October, my favourite month of the year in my favourite season. The dark months will be filled with learning for me and I'll try to take you with me as much as I can.
Hmmm...I'll have to update the blog though since my bike isn't silver anymore but blue now and she is sexy as fuck.
Have a great week.
See Ya
S
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